From: Damien Broderick (damienb@unimelb.edu.au)
Date: Wed Aug 13 2003 - 21:20:37 MDT
This would gruesomely hilarious if our possible future lives hadn't been
put at risk by this vile prat.
"In an exclusive Sports Illustrated shock report, Dr. Herbert W. Dickhead
today revealed events of unspeakable depravity conducted at St. Pancreas's
Hospital, where he was recently appointed Chief of Cardiac Surgery.
"`The scene I confronted when I entered the operating theater left me
feeling ill for days,' Dickhead told our reporter. `I think I caught
Traumatic Stress Disorder as a result, and I will be suing the hospital for
$79.63 million compensation.
"`The room was filled with MASKED men and women wearing STRANGE GARB. No
sooner had the patient been wheeled in that they CHILLED the poor man's
body, and then CRACKED OPEN HIS CHEST! It was like a scene from the last
days of the Aztecs, and I don't mean the sports team.
"`These fiends TORE OUT HIS LIVING HEART! And then, even as I ran from the
door to start up my website (please see Paypal link), they STITCHED IN A
DEAD PERSON'S HEART!'
"SI is sickened to read of these excesses. Readers are urged to send money
at once to Dr. Dickhead, who will be taking up his new position as Head of
Interment at Redemption Mortuary in Scrotum, Nigeria. We eagerly await his
report on the macabre way DEAD PEOPLE ARE BURIED IN THE GROUND, where they
quickly ROT INTO SLIME, at this comical yet horrifying establishment."
Damien Broderick
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