From: Mike Lorrey (mlorrey@yahoo.com)
Date: Tue Jan 21 2003 - 12:47:18 MST
For IMMEDIATE Release --- Jan 21, 2003
Washington, DC -- Lorrey News Network
Anti-nuclear groups, not satisfied with protesting NASA's further
development of nuclear power systems for spacecraft, dubbed Project
Prometheus, is living up to their principles. The Global Network
Against Weapons & Nuclear Power in Space, based in Gainesville,
Florida, has been particularly vocal in this regard.
They have thereby filed a petition in federal court for a Writ of
Mandamus to compel the US government to "get all nukes out of space".
To comply with this demand, the US Government will be compelled to
engage in a multi-billion dollar crash program to develop technology
for turning off the fusion reaction occuring within the Sun.
"It is only just that the US Government be forced to live up to the
international treaties it has signed, including the Nuclear Test Ban
Treaty, which bans the existence of fusion explosions in space," stated
Mary Juanahead, spokeswomyn for the GNAWNPS.
Reaction at NASA was officially muted. Hiding smirks and snickers, NASA
administrator O'Keefe stated, "It is entirely outside the legal
jurisdiction of any earthbound authority to entail such an order."
Juanahead replied to this statement by saying,"This is the typical
government bureaucratic obfuscation we always see. 'No legal authority'
type fascism which we intend to combat at every turn. The people of
Mother Earth have a right to be free of the constant exposure to solar
radiation and the threat of skin cancer, sunburns, and the risk of
solar novas or other extreme flare activity, which could end life on
Earth."
Reaction on the streets of Earth was decidely in favor of the anti-nuke
side. Osama Assad bin Hussein, a resident of Cairo, stated, "It is our
right as righteous muslims to live in darkness and ignorance, free of
the light of day which the evil Satan United States permits to shine
down upon us. The zionist US and it's evil lapdog Israel will pay for
it's arrogance one way or the other, but it is good that there are some
Americans who understand their place in the world and intend to bring
their government to task for its evil policies."
In Beijing, Yu Hu agreed, "The evil running dog capitalist US must be
forced to turn off the sun, which it uses to illuminate our land,
allowing it's spy satellites and spy planes to look down upon us."
Back in the US, there are supporters from unexpected quarters. Rocker
and self confessed Prince of Darkness Ozzie Osbourne seems to agree
with the anti-sun faction.
"Mumble mumble, I'm the bleepin' bloody Prince of F-ckin' Darkness fer
Christ Sakes, of course I'm for turning off the sun. mumble Why do you
think I have to wear these sun glasses all the time, even indoors?
mumble mumble Where do you think Sharon got her f-ckin' cancer from, ya
bloody git? It came from f-ckin' solar radiation, mumble mumble
mumble...," The aging rocker was quoted saying on a recent episode of
his show.
In Washington, it seems the anti-nuke groups were picking up key
Democratic support. Former Senate Majority Leader and current Prime DC
Whiner Tom Daschle said,"It is simply abominable that the current
administration thinks that it can get away with such a disgusting
resistance against the will of the people. The people have spoken, and
they prefer darkness to light by a two to one margin."
=====
Mike Lorrey
"Live Free or Die, Death is not the Worst of Evils."
- Gen. John Stark
"Pacifists are Objectively Pro-Fascist." - George Orwell
"Treason doth never Prosper. What is the Reason?
For if it Prosper, none Dare call it Treason..." - Ovid
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