Re: toilet head dunking

From: Mike Lorrey (mlorrey@yahoo.com)
Date: Tue Jul 08 2003 - 07:49:12 MDT

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    --- Damien Broderick <damienb@unimelb.edu.au> wrote:
    > At 07:46 PM 7/7/03 -0700, Spike wrote of what:
    >
    > >happened to you when you were in elementary school
    > >and were seen walking your bike across the street:
    > >they caught you by the ankles and dunked your head
    > >in the toilet.
    >
    > That can't happen in Australia.
    >
    > I was always baffled by the idea until I first visited the States and
    > found to my horror that in most lavatories all the water was sitting
    > there in the bowl, waiting to dunk my balls most clammily (apologies
    > for the `waaay too much information, yeck'), rather than waiting
    > politely above or behind me in the cistern tank. If an Aussie dweeb
    > were head-dunked, all he'd get would be a wet scalp. Better design
    > all round, I'd say.

    Ah, Damien, sounds to me like it would be even more exciting in the
    Aussie version. I am surprised, though, that you were never a victim of
    this recreational activity. Did you perhaps grow up where flushing
    mechanisms were non-existent???

    You see the head dunking is more than just a polite baptism of the nerd
    into the still waters of Colonel Crapper's cistern. A true dunking
    involves enthusiastic and repeated use of the flushing mechanism.
    Preferably with a toilet which is not constrained by the volume of the
    small reservoir typical of the household crapper. No, a true dunking
    with complementary "all you can eat" flushing requires a toilet which
    has an unlimited supply of pressurized water, preferably from a many
    thousand gallon cistern dozens of floors above.

    You see, the dunking is not really an act of cruelty (well, okay, it
    is) but a rite of community and individual service, intended to flush
    away the scourge of acne, the infestation of cooties, the slick of
    repeatedly unwashed hair, and the foggy grime of too many centerfold
    massage sessions. It is meant to IMPROVE the nerd, come heck or high
    water (pun intended), to help the poor misguided square fit better into
    the round hole of popular acceptance and civic conformity.

    =====
    Mike Lorrey
    "Live Free or Die, Death is not the Worst of Evils."
                                                        - Gen. John Stark
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