A Libertarian's Holiday Dream...

E. Shaun Russell (e_shaun@uniserve.com)
Fri, 20 Dec 1996 11:43:26 -0800 (PST)

Here's something I just received via e-mail from the advocates of
self-government. Unfortunately, it is anonymous. I think it sums up what
the 25th should be like...

Twas the night before Christmas,
And all through the land
Libertarians dreamed of the ideals of
Rothbard, Hayek and Rand.

Enchanted by this glorious vision of liberty,
Many yearned for better ways to help their neighbors see
The great benefits that would come if they'd only embrace
A philosophy of freedom for all, whatever country or race.

At our home the stockings and decorations were up,
We'd left Santa some cookies and some milk in a cup.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of Liberty danced in their heads.

I in my Advocates T-shirt, and Mom in her Self-Governor's Cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,
When outside the window there arose such a clatter
That I leapt from my bed to see what was the matter!

There through the window I saw an amazing sight
That any other time of year would have given me a fright!
A sleigh pulled by reindeer flashing through the sky so quick,
And led by no less than -- Jolly Old St. Nick!

As he roared through the air, heading straight for my abode,
I saw the sled was groaning with a tremendous load
Of packages, treasures, treats and toys --
Gifts for all good men, women, girls and boys!

More rapid than a jet, right toward me they came!
And I heard Old St. Nick call each reindeer by name:
"Now Tolerance! Now Free Enterprise! Now Liberty!
Onward Peace, and Free Speech, and Prosperity!"

He kept calling their names in that manner, and 'twas thus
I realized with a start --"Hey, Santa's one of Us!"

I had always admired this very special man,
Who flew 'round the world without posting an FAA flight plan,
Who crossed national borders with impunity each year,
And never registered his team with the U.S. Department of Reindeer.
Who laughed at licenses and permits and just made his own route,
And ran a safe, clean, happy workshop far from OSHA's obnoxious snout.

Who lived independent and government-free at the icy North Pole,
Far away from taxes, regulations and the dole.

So I tiptoed downstairs to peep into the den,
And try and steal a sight of that jolly old gentleman
Who had brought such joy to millions in so many lands.
Oh, to see him in action, alive, first-hand!

I heard the sleigh touch lightly down upon the roof,
Strange noises from my chimney came... then - POOF!
There was Santa standing boldly beside our Christmas tree,
Bigger than life in red and white -- an awesome sight to see!

He took a bite of our cookies and said, "Hmmmm -- not bad!"
Then wrote a quick note of thanks to our youngest lad.
Then he reached down into the bulging bag at his side,
And talked aloud as he brought out what was stuffed inside:

"Here's a new computer for Johnny, and it's all set
To take him to the Advocate's Web Page on the Internet!
He can also use it to subscribe, for free,
To the Liberator Online, which comes out via email bi-weekly!

"Sally wants to reach libertarians in her home town,
So I've brought her the best outreach tool around!
Operation Politically Homeless will do the trick --
She'll find hundreds of new libertarians!" chuckled jolly old St.

Then he pulled out a vast supply of pocket-sized cards
And I could guess what they were, without trying too hard.
"Here's a few thousand of the World's Smallest Political Quiz, too!
That should last them for at least a month or two!

"This family wants to communicate the ideas of freedom clearly,
So here are two fine tape sets which they will treasure dearly:
The Liberty Communicator Course and The Essence of Political
Will make them Master Communicators, no matter what the occasion!

From his bag he brought forth still more great surprises --
Libertarian T-shirts and sweatshirts, in all different sizes
And festooned with neat slogans. Then there were books galore --
Libertarianism in One Lesson, The Law, and many more!

By now our living room seemed filled to overflowing,
But still Santa kept on going and going.
He scattered audio tapes by the dozen in every empty spot.
"There are so many great Advocates tapes -- they'll like all these a

"And here's a grand video that can help our ideas win:
Self-Government: An Idea Whose Time Has Come... Again!
And I'll leave them a couple of tested, proven speech kits
So their future service club or schoolroom speeches are big, big

He was bringing out still more goodies, but I could stand it no more
So I stepped out from hiding and stood by the door.
He smiled at me and winked, and I knew instantly
He'd known I had been there throughout his gift-giving spree.

"I just wanted to thank you --" I began to say.
But he held up his hand and smiled in his jolly way.
"There's no need for thanks! It's a great pleasure to me
To give gifts to people who care so much about liberty!

"The Advocates have made it easy for me and my elves --
In fact, we hardly have any work to do ourselves!
For people who want to see our world freed,
The Advocates have just the products, tools, and services we need.

"If you want to thank me, the best thing you can do
Is to support the Advocates -- and put these great tools to work for
Oh, there's one thing more I want to leave. Here --
Keep this Advocates catalog handy, so you can order throughout the

I wanted to say more, but he put his finger to his nose,
Then -- POOF! Straight up through my chimney he rose!
I went to my window, and saw the sleigh rise into the sky,
And as they faded away, I heard Santa cry:

"On, Free Speech! On, Tolerance! On, Liberty!
There's a whole wide world yearning to be set free!
The night is young, and we've got lots to do!
Next stop: switches and ashes for 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue!"

~~~:~~~> E. ternity E. Shaun Russell
:~~> E. xpansion e_shaun@uniserve.com
:~~~> E. xtropy Extropian poet\musician

-The past is the only inevitability-