Re: is marriage extropic?

From: Samantha Atkins (
Date: Thu Nov 30 2000 - 20:54:06 MST

Aaron Tyrrell wrote:
> As a recently engaged extropian, I feel I can offer some insight into this
> discussion.
> One will always find the best relationships with their intellectual peers.
> Due to the lingering effects of our patriarchy, today's women are still
> mostly airheads. I have long since discovered that true love with such an
> airhead is impossible.

Due to the lingering effects of the patriarchy most guys are arrogant
selfish twits who shouldn't be allowed out in polite society. :-) Many
of them have ingrained "me man, you my woman" BS at some level that
precludes real equality in a male-female relationship. Many men are
still scared shitless of a woman as smart/capable (or heaven forbid)
smarter than themselves.

> However, there are a good number of intellectually gifted women nowadays,
> they're just hard to find. And for them, it is likewise hard to find
> intellectually compatible men, for most men are airheads, too, despite their
> advantages.
> Then there's the geek factor. Let's face it. Most people that have the
> brains to be extropian are lacking in looks, social skills, or both. It
> takes a lot of deprogramming for those who are both intelligent AND good
> looking to realize that the intelligence is the most important factor and go
> for the nerd instead of the babe or jock.

Just a tad stereotypical here. Women have for quite a while not
emphasized the actual looks of the men they were interested in. At
least not the way guys are trained to see a woman's looks as a plus or
minus in their own status system. Women tend to be more interested
classically in whether the guy is a decent provider (not so relevant
today but still relevant) and whether he is reasonably stable and not
likely to be abusive and of course in what kind of companion he is on
multiple levels. Bright women want to know they have a lover/mate that
understands what moves them and will actually be a help rather than the
kind of hindrance that feels their careers detract from the guy's
"legitimate needs" or something. Women (and men) also want a partner
who they respect and admire.

It is mainly the guys that need to get past "lookist" bs.

Now some of this and women's equivalent hankering for the "hunk" is
biological wiring looking for likely good reproductive candidates. That
of course is becoming far less relevant.

> There is also the fact that high intelligence (and the money that it often
> brings) gives you the ability to seduce the more beautiful members of the
> opposite sex that would be otherwise inaccessible to you. Many social
> extropians will choose this path and never discover the joys of dating an
> intellectual equal.

Really? That would be pretty dumb.

> Then there's the typically extropian tendency to sit on the computer all day
> writing code or posting to the usenet. This rarely leads to marriage.
> Plus, there is the implication of monogamy that exists in traditional
> marriage that anyone with half a brain realizes is a pile of dog-doo (or at
> least acts accordingly). Marriage is often shunned by extropians seeking to
> abandon the chains of the past and build an exciting new high-tech future.
> Many long-term couplings amongst extropians might not take on the form of
> marriage as a result.

I disagree. A good solid life-partner (at least for the foreseeable X
years) is a real asset.

> All in all, there is a very low probability of any two extropians of
> opposite sexes meeting each other, much less falling in love and choosing to
> commit to marrige.

Well, I wouldn't limit it to just extropians of the opposite sex
myself. Many computer geek folks and extropians are bisexual or
> However, none of this is grounds to abandon the idea of a life-long
> committed relationship with a member of the same or opposite sex. Nobody
> said you have to conform to all the rules implied by marriage in our
> culture, and one's brain is greatly enhanced by the physical and mental
> stimulation of a steady partner. So here's what we've done.
> Lauren and I decided to get married while having breakfast at Shoney's
> following an all-nighter working on our Internet business (I found that
> quite romantic, in an extropian sort of way). Since we already live
> together, have a joint checking account, and are partners in a business, we
> have viewed marriage as a formality. And our decision to get married was a
> decision to go through the legal formality of marriage in order to derive
> the benefits our legal system and culture give to married couples.

Cool. But a bit too dry for me. A little bit more romance doesn't hurt
at all. What you are describing sounds more like a marriage of

> We're going to sign the papers at the courthouse and take care of the legal
> formality now. When we've got enough money to throw a decent party, we'll
> take care of the ceremonial aspect of marriage--which can be cool if done
> right.
> We practice an open relationship, which gives us the freedom to creatively
> explore our sexuality and love with other people without divorce, jealousy,
> regret or any other negatives (except herpes which a good extropian would
> cure). I think that open relationships would save most marriages, or at
> least make them more fun. Most extropians don't get married due to aversion
> to monogamy, gayness or social withdrawal. Open relationships make marriage
> compatible with all but the latter.

Hmmm. So how does a "good extropian" cure herpes anyhow?

Gays and lesbians should be able to marry also of course. And marry
their actual partners rather than create the same legal fiction so many
of us have since the beginning of human history.

I am of mixed mind about open relationships. They are quite natural and
beautiful for me in many respects. But I have had too many partners I
loved a great deal who couldn't get the hang of it. Also, I think there
is something to be said for a long-term one person only sexual/romantic
relationship. So I guess my position is that I understand and
appreciate both open and monogamous relationships that are healthy.

> Good luck to you all in finding true extropic love--it's very much worth it.

Good Luck to you and yours Aaron.

- samantha

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