Re: How to keep'em off Your Couch!

From: Mike Lorrey (
Date: Tue Jul 31 2001 - 17:14:17 MDT

"" wrote:
> A. D. Wright Tells How to Get Into People's Homes and on their Couch

Good one, Natasha. I've developed countermeasures to these over time.

a) having a VERY friendly and noisy dog helps keep them outside. I just
open the door wide enough to stick my head out. The yapping dog keeps
them from wanting to venture further.
b) I say, 'Hey, brothers, have you guys been biking all over town in
those shirts and ties ALL DAY? You must be REALLY HOT and TIRED," all
while not making any effort to offer refreshments (it's okay if I sip my
own soda).
c) I ask them what they are here for.
If they are mormons, I mention the fact that Joseph Smith was once laid
up over across the river in South Royalton with a broken leg once, he
broke it on one of his many drunken sprees, carousing around the town. I
mention that some families still keep account of the bills old Joe
skipped out on when he left town and ask if the Church ever paid those
Since they are usually some kind of christians, I usually ask them to
resolve some theological paradoxes for me. I think next time I'll ask
them about the topological properties of hell and whether angels dancing
on pins can be considered quantum objects...
d) When they ask me about my own faith, I say I don't need any faith,
"cause I KNOW-uh, the TRUTH-uh!" and go off on Theilhard des Chardins
and Omega Point Theory and bring in the technologies of the
singularity... by this point in time, if they haven't already, they've
figured out I'm either completely nuts, posessed of the devil, or had
too much "LDS in the 60's"....

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