FY;)PRIV - Crypto 101 (fwd)

Eugene Leitl (Eugene.Leitl@lrz.uni-muenchen.de)
Fri, 13 Jun 1997 16:35:31 +0200 (MET DST)

Apologies for the sexism, but this stuff is simply too good...


---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Thu, 12 Jun 1997 12:43:43 -0500
From: FringeWare News Network <email@Fringeware.COM>
Cc: Xcott Craver <caj@moriarty.math.niu.edu>
Subject: PRIV - Crypto 101

Sent from: Xcott Craver <caj@moriarty.math.niu.edu>

>> But not every bra has a cryptographic function. Most are used for ASCII
>> armor or for compression. Some are even designed to make the plaintext
>> stand out and more enjoyable to read.
> Touche, but I believe what we have here is a clear case of steganography.

Yikes. I think that we should hammer down some definitions before
this whole thing gets out of hand.

Building an difficult-to-unhook bra.

Building a flesh-colored bra, or one whose unhook mechanism is
hidden somewhere unexpected (Man: "How the Hell...?" Woman:
"It unhooks in front." Man: "Damn those steganographers.")

Public-Key Cryptography:
Building a bra that anyone can put on, but that only Alice can

Building a bra that stays on even after smoothing, compression,
and rotation. Also, Bob should not be able to put his own bra
on over Alice's and claim ownership of her body.

Um, I'm probably already in trouble for the last one, so I'll
just skip this.

Building a bra with a nametag ("Property of Alice, machine wash
warm...") such that bras with Alice's name only fit Alice's body.
Bob could in theory remove Alice's bra and replace it with his
own, but there's no real reason for him to do so.

All-or-Nothing Disclosure Of Secrets:
Alice transforms her bra into a duffle bag, and either (a) shows
Bob how to open it, or (b) shows Bob how she made it into a duffle
bag. Alice repeats the procedure until Bob is satisfied (perverted

One-time Pad:

NSA: An organization that wants women to go back to wearing corsets and
chastity belts. Oh, and Bill Clinton gets to keep all the keys.

[looks up at what's written so far and sighs] I'm so damned juvenile.
I'm going to go do something more constructive and serious. Well, happy

[**!!Oh, and these are not the views of my employer!!**]
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