Tell me if you've heard this one.

Steve Witham (
Sat, 26 Apr 1997 01:26:51 -0400

A man walks into a bar and says, "This isn't my parrot."

A man walks into a piano and says, "This isn't my ego, it's some absurd
collection of colored shirts."

A man walks into a shirt factory and goes immediately to the foreman.
"Where's the foreman?" he asks. "I don't know," says the foreman, "but
you can have my parrot."

A man walks into a signpost and says, "Which way to the bathroom?" The
signpost pees on his shoes.

A parrot walks into a bar and says, "Why are the stools so high, haven't you
ever seen a parrot before?" The bartender brings him a small chair.

A man stands on a chair and says, "At last I'm as tall as my ego; somebody
bring me a drink up here."

A barn walks into a fence and says, "Say, haven't I seen you before?" The
fence says, "Can't say one way or the other."

A man walks up his forearm and says, "I wish I were back on the shop floor."

You can have my ego and shirts; I'm going to California with the Spring.
At the end of the season I'm trading in my guitar for a Chevrolet and
driving to Mexico.

A man climbs up on a barstool and says, "Y'know, I'm not as tall as I used
to be--get me a drink." "That doesn't make sense," says the bartender,
"You only been here since yesterday."

The shop where my father used to work had linoleum floors and a lamp.

A man gets out his pocket calculator and plays a little tune. "That's my
first masterpeice," he thinks, just as a truck runs him over.

A man runs into an alley, checks his watch and then covers his ears.
After five seconds he disappears silently.

A man wears a plaid suit and walks with a swagger. As he comes into view,
birds break into song. He nods to them.

A man sits down on a park bench and takes off his hat. His head cracks
open and a goddess springs forth. She is wearing tennis shoes and tights.

A pilgrim arrives at a shrine on her knees. The rain is pouring. As the
pilgrim closes her eyes to pray, the shrine collapses in a pile of rubble.
A dove flies away unseen by the pilgrim.

A man dreams of a cake. His relatives come and eat the cake, one piece at
a time. As he reaches for the last piece, a voice says, "Haven't you had

A bird flies over a rainforest. The sun is rising over the curve of the
earth. There are clouds to the south, mountains to the west.

A telephone rings in the basement of an abandoned building. People are
walking by on the sidewalk.

A monster rises from beneath a pile of rocks. His butler has his jacket,
hat and walking stick ready. The date is January fourth.

The crest of a hill is decorated by remnants of an apple crate. Fog rises
from the ground.

A man checks into a hotel under the name of Finch. For four days he doesn't
leave his room. On the fifth day the janitor finds his room key in a
laundry chute.

A preacher, a rabbi, and a psychiatrist are out fishing in a rowboat in the
middle of a lake. Suddenly a great thunderstorm comes up. The boat is
pitching in the wind, but all three men refuse to say anything.

A man stops another man on the street. "Haven't you heard?" he asks, "They
found another one last night."

A parrot walks into a bar and says, "Tell me if you've heard this one before."


--           Steve Witham          web page under reconsideration