My thoughts on human mating strategies

john grigg (
Tue, 20 Jul 1999 18:19:25 PDT

Hello everyone,

I have been fascinated again by the thoughts put forth on how females choose their mating partners whether for short or long-term. I find the Mr. buns vrs. Mr. brains argument intriguing though like some have said I think what woman want and what the attractive and intelligent women get is a man with both qualities!!! I know for this as a a fact having heard the want from "alpha female" of having "alpha males" who in both ways have the right stuff. Many of the true alpha males of course want to play the field and not settle down! And so I hang around alpha females who will date me but not commit while they whine about not having "full access" to an alpha male. Women have really caught on now more then ever that brains combined with some ambition make for a man who can make life more pleasant for them. Of course some females (and males) are forced by their own limitations to settle for 'second best' in terms of brains and/or looks. The human mating game is a cruel one to be sure. Well, this goes without saying.

Certainly though a person can do a great deal to make themselves more attractive to possible partners by getting a good education, being physically fit(so simple but so many are over-weight and out of shape), dressing well and having a sense of self and goals. Of course this is all easier said then done and we are still hemmed in by limitations depending on who we are and the luck of the genetic dice.

My bestfriend's father gave me excellent advice years ago that I did not appreciate till recently. He said that women would in their teens and early twenties go for the charming and handsome jerks but at least some of the women would wise up and see that a good man with a decent job was more important then being with a charming rogue who would eventually wipe their feet on them. Of course some women never learn but neither do some men.

He said that I just needed to set goals and be headed in the right direction in a way that women could see I was headed somewhere good and that would attract them. The analogy is that of "not rocking the boat" for women but instead staying on course for your goals and letting the quality women come to you. Just keep your cool man! But it is easier said then done!

At age 32 I am only half-way done with my degree and do not always heed my own advice. I find women I am attracted to can really fry my brain and heart. I just crave the companionship and love of a good woman so badly. But I do not want to jump into a bad relationship either so I bear the pain quietly. I should have gotten my degree years ago but laziness, learning disabilities, a.d.d. and depression helped to prevent it. I thought why bother getting a degree if I have no driver's license due to learning disabilities? Many years have been lost but hopefully my degree, future career and marriage will be all the sweeter due to the wait. I feel the time swiftly going by and do not want to hit 40 not having achieved my goals. I want a wife and children by then.

Last night I called at a $42.50 cost (expensive for me-calling card) an aussie gal I care about who went in for surgery today. I consoled her and tried to cheer her up. We have been email pals for six months now but the romantic bond once there has faded. I tried over the phone to reconnect with her in a moment of fear for her.

The problem is she is done with her degree and just started teaching. I have a ways to go and I am poor and not a driver even. She is beautiful, smart and educated so when in October she travels to Utah where she would like to settle it will be a feeding frenzy for the guys there to try to gain her favor. I want her to visit me and she said she and her female travelling companion might but only after they have already been to Utah a month. That is too much time for her to meet another.

I have two big regrets about her. One is that I lied to her about my age saying I was 25 instead of an 'old' 32! I know I must level with her but have not and that may derail everything. But I must do it. And I should have phone called her every week starting the first week we 'hit it off' and she implored me to call her up!! A powerful bond could have been forged between us by doing by my calling her up once a week but the possible cost and my lie kept me from doing it.

But now I am doing it and I will play this out to the bitter end. There are other women in my life both on the net and in the 'real world' but I had my heart set on Becky. I have had my heart ripped out of my chest and stepped on before so I will most likely survive.

Perhaps this makes me 'unfit' along with my l.d. but my depression hits me hard. I hope when I go back on a brand I think will do the job I will be able to gain the joy and strength that I presently lack in my life.

I wish you all well. I look forward to any comments anyone might have. What I read on this list often thrills my heart and mind. Take care everyone!


John Grigg

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