Re: deadbeat dads (was: Re: `capitalist' character values)

From: Olga Bourlin (
Date: Fri Jul 27 2001 - 20:13:48 MDT

> Olga Bourlin shared with us:
> Having worked my way through college ...blah, blah ...I know something
about working and being responsible.

John Grigg wrote:>
> Olga, since you made this statement onlist I will ask you publicly... WHY
> you not believe in child support on principle???

Mainly because my mother worked and reared me (we were immigrants, and dada
was in another country, anyway, and did not share in my upbringing); my
maternal grandmother worked to help rear me (Russian women kick ass!); and
my grandfather, too (not everyone worked at once, but took turns as
opportunities arose in the various countries we lived before coming to the
good ole' USA). I observed that a woman could rear a child, so it was never
was my goal to depend on a man, necessarily. There was help in the very
early formative years, and later my children's biological father and I
worked out a couple of different living arrangements with our two children
over the years.

While I don't believe in child support on principle, I see nothing wrong
with parents who do not live with their children helping support those
children (I'm not opposed to that). I just think there's less acrimony if a
man - or woman - is forced to pay child support. If a parent wants to have
a relationship with their child, they usually come up with something. If
not, so be it. Having children is so self-indulgent anyway - I could
practially live off of that emotional indulgence when I was rearing
children. And I did all right, eventually married again, thereby doubling
the kids' parent-units.

> As a man I do believe some men really get taken to the cleaners in divorce
> court. And for a woman to get alimony for more then a few years(to
> her work skills) is generally rediculous. But, child support is about the
> children and deadbeat dads make me want to grind my teeth in anger. Olga,
> you and your children deserved better.

Yes - I really could have used better child care facilities (back in the
1970s, when my children were small, they was almost non-existent). Luckily,
my daughter in law, a civil engineer for WSDT, has child care on the
premises for her baby today - so, things are looking up). I believe child
care should be an earlier extension of the public school process. (Oh, oh,
I know some libertarians are going to give me a drubbing for saying this.)

But, really, don't you think everyone deserves better? Why not go whole
hog? Isn't that what extropians want - improved beings through better
technology? "Better" is almost a crap shoot today, and it will be until all
these new-fangled technologies become available to help in our posthuman
future, eh? A couple of winning combinations in the
crap-shoot-which-is-life is to come up with "health" and a "few smarts" -
so, I and my children have been very lucky, indeed. They love their father,
he loves them, they're great young adults, and all's well with the world.
The trip had a few bumps along the way, but it was always a privilege and a
pleasure for me.


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