From: Michael M. Butler (mmb@spies.com)
Date: Mon May 12 2003 - 18:03:47 MDT
Forwarded from a friend, and relevant to arms (and *funding*) races in
general, a wonderful short-short story I'd never read before...
> THE INGENIOUS PATRIOT
> by Ambrose Bierce
>
> HAVING obtained an audience of the King an Ingenious Patriot pulled
> a
> paper from his pocket, saying:
>
> "May it please your Majesty, I have here a formula for constructing
> armour-plating which no gun can pierce. If these plates are adopted in
> the
> Royal Navy our warships will be invulnerable, and therefore invincible.
> Here, also, are reports of your Majesty's Ministers, attesting the value
> of
> the invention. I will part with my right in it for a million tumtums."
>
> After examining the papers, the King put them away and promised him
> an
> order on the Lord High Treasurer of the Extortion Department for a
> million
> tumtums.
>
> "And here," said the Ingenious Patriot, pulling another paper from
> another pocket, "are the working plans of a gun that I have invented,
> which
> will pierce that armour. Your Majesty's Royal Brother, the Emperor of
> Bang,
> is anxious to purchase it, but loyalty to your Majesty's throne and
> person
> constrains me to offer it first to your Majesty. The price is one million
> tumtums."
>
> Having received the promise of another check, he thrust his hand
> into
> still another pocket, remarking:
>
> "The price of the irresistible gun would have been much greater,
> your
> Majesty, but for the fact that its missiles can be so effectively averted
> by
> my peculiar method of treating the armour plates with a new-"
>
> The King signed to the Great Head Factotum to approach.
>
> "Search this man," he said, "and report how many pockets he has."
>
> "Forty-three, Sire," said the Great Head Factotum, completing the
> scrutiny.
>
> "May it please your Majesty," cried the Ingenious Patriot, in
> terror,
> "one of them contains tobacco."
>
> "Hold him up by the ankles and shake him," said the King; "then
> give
> him a check for forty-two million tumtums and put him to death. Let a
> decree
> issue declaring ingenuity a capital offence."
-- I am not here to have an argument. I am here as part of a civilization. Sometimes I forget.
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