From: Mike Lorrey (mlorrey@yahoo.com)
Date: Mon Apr 14 2003 - 18:23:21 MDT
Considering all the fan mail I got for my last three Chicken Reasons,
here are some more (and yes, I have authored all the ones I've posted
myself)...
French President Jaques Chirac:
"While we have great sympathies for the poor American chickens who were
so heinously fried on September the 11th, we cannot condone the
crossing of the road between Kuwait and Iraq by armored American
chickens. We will oppose with all of our diplomatic power any
preemptive and unilateral crossing of the road in the UN. We do not
believe that Iraqi chickens of mass destruction are crossing the road
in contravention of 17 UN resolutions, nor do we believe that
Resolution 1441 required the use of farce if the Iraqis did not
completely and proactively cooperate with UN Chicken Inspectors in
determining if Iraqi chickens of mass destruction have crossed the road
in any way.
We think that inspectors need more time, given that the few attempted
road crossings have been stopped successfully, perhaps 6 more months,
when it will be far to hot for American Chickens to cross the road.
Even then, we will oppose the use of farce by American Chickens to
destroy Iraqi road crossing chickens.
We believe that the UN should control how Iraqi Chicken Coop
reconstruction contracts are awarded."
German Chancellor Schroeder:
"No, my opposition to use of American chickens against Iraqi chickens
of mass destruction has absolutely nothing to do with my needing to get
reelected. We Germans know far better than most anyone on earth, given
that we are the cause of the two World Road Crossings of the 20th
century, that caused the deaths of many millions of chickens as well as
the deaths of millions of innocent motorists, how horrible Road
Crossings are.
We know the BirdBaathists, for it was founded by our Nazis, and we knew
the Nazis well, and the BirdBaathists are no Nazis.
We believe that the UN should control how Iraqi Chicken Coop
reconstruction contracts are awarded."
Russian President Putin:
"We are not selling Night Vision Chickens to Iraq, nor are we selling
Anti-tank Chickens developed since the first Gulf War to Iraq. We are
not selling Chicken Positioning System (CPS) jammers to Iraq, nor were
our retired military chickens in Bagdad as few as two weeks before the
war.
We think that the world should be made safe for neo-stalinistic former
leaders of national secret police agencies, be their names Hussein or
Putin. We object to the targeting of Leadership Chickens with JDAC
(Joint Direct Attack Chickens) weapons, for someone may get the same
idea with my government.
We believe that the UN should control how Iraqi Chicken Coop
reconstruction contracts are awarded."
Osama bin Chicken:
"The evil infidel Chickens of the imperialist US must be opposed by all
good devout muslim chickens. While Saddam Hussein is himself an
infidel, his people are muslims and the invasion of Iraqi territory by
the occupying armies of American Chickens and the lapdog British and
Zionist pig allies is a crime agains muslim chickens everywhere. It is
the duty of all good muslim chickens to go and fight the infidel in
Iraq."
Al Jazeera:
"No those Iraqi chickens are not cheering as they are crossing the road
to tear down those statues of Saddam. "We love Saddam" one Iraqi says,
as he slaps Saddam's head with the soles of his shoes.
That American flag wrapped around Saddam's head is not the same flag
flying at the Pentagon on September 11th, it is simply a sign that the
US is an imperialist occupying power, intent on making Iraqi chickens
cross the road in entirely unseemly and unmuslim ways."
Now that that is out of my system, here are some more extropic ones:
Eliezer Yudkowski:
The Singularity Institute for Artificial Chickens has released a new
programming language to be used for programming artificial chickens to
cross the road to sentience. Cluck 1.0 is an Empatho-Graphic Googling
language (EGG) meant to enable the average Artificial Chicken seed
kernel (Conciousness Oriented Recognition Nooite, CORN for short) to
grow a CHICK, or Compu-Hermetic Intelligent Chicken Kernel into a fully
emergent phenomenon, capable of crossing roads toward sentient
awareness. Eventually, the Artificial Chicken will breed an entire
Coop, capable of its own production of EGG languages of the second and
following self-programming generations, triggering a Singularity.
David Freidman:
It is entirely the chicken's right to cross roads as it sees fit, and
engage in road crossing contracts with any RCA (Road Crossing Agency)
it sees fit. I will note that in medieval Iceland, chickens crossed
roads with complete anarcho-capitalistic liberty. Their only government
was the All Chicken, that anyone could participate in, and
disagreements were decided by a preisthood class of road crossing
guards.
Anders Sandberg:
I've developed a new RPG called TurboChicken, where one can game road
crossing chickens in any environment. I've determined that in any given
Chicken Coop Dillemma, there are three types of chickens: those who lay
eggs, those who peck others eggs and those who both lay their own eggs
and peck others eggs. Those who peck and lay tend to be most likely to
cross the road.
Richard Feynman:
It is theoretically possible for chickens to cross the road in both
directions. Road Crossing Event Diagrams can be interpreted as going
right to left, or left to right, backward or forward in time. When a
chicken crosses the road, it does not just pick the best possible route
to cross the road, it crosses the road in every possible way in a
virtual quantum state. The observer only sees the chicken crossing one
way because that way is the best way, thus collapsing the probability
function. This is the heart of the Many Chickens Interpretation of
Quantum Dynamics....
Amara Graps:
Our work here at the Chicken Dust Dynamics Group involves the use of
probes to analyse the dust left by chickens crossing the road. In my
work, I have found use of wavelet mathematics to describe Chicken Dust
dynamics, which behaves significantly different from normal dust. While
many in the field call me a Dust Bunny, I prefer the label Dusty Chick...
=====
Mike Lorrey
"Live Free or Die, Death is not the Worst of Evils."
- Gen. John Stark
"Pacifists are Objectively Pro-Fascist." - George Orwell
"Treason doth never Prosper. What is the Reason?
For if it Prosper, none Dare call it Treason..." - Ovid
__________________________________________________
Do you Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Tax Center - File online, calculators, forms, and more
http://tax.yahoo.com
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.1.5 : Mon Apr 14 2003 - 18:30:25 MDT