HUMOR: nukleear feushun

Brent Allsop (
Fri, 18 Dec 1998 16:03:54 -0700

(taken from Pyro Joe's Hot Flashes, pp 137-151)

Now, kids, it's tahm ta talk about dee-layed gratification.


Here's one that'll tickle ya pink! (Also black & blue if ya stand around it too long. Take a hint from ol' Joe.)

How menny       Whut is it                      Where d'ya git it

    1      1 inch cube of 90% Palladium         any good hardware store
                with 10% Titanium               should have it

    1      4 inch length of gold wahr           steal from yore sister's

   5 gallons    heavy water, with 10%           steal frum Navy base
                DTO (th' "Jolt" version,        or borry frum naybors.
                heh heh.)

    1 cup  Lithium Lye, with Deuterium,         war surplus store
           USGummint #3039924057394XD

    1      1 to 3 volt, 30 amp pahr splah       hell, bild it, use
                                                pappy's arc welder,
                                                or whutever.

    1      special currint reggalater           bild it.
           (figger 3, end of chapter)

    1      Kickass(tm) 8 week high-reliability  ain'tchoo gotta hardware
                timer or equiv'lint             bin? Call up Bud's
                                                Scientific Splah.
                                                Don't let on whut it's for.

    1      big moonshahn crock, with lid.       c'mon, ya gotta know
                                                where ta git basics!

th' usual wahr an' stuff, as requahred.

How d'ya do it, Joe?

Wal, ya find a ol' shack on a hill somewheres that still got pahr goin' to it. (Elsewise, ya gots ta use a whole lotta ol' truck batt'ries, which is tuff ta hump around.) Put th' crock in th' shack, and pour th' Jolt water inta it. Stir in th' Lithium Lye, slow an' careful. Don't splash none, an' don't add th' stuff too quick, now. Cover it real taht, so's ya don't lose too much. Y'all don't wanna hafta sneak inta th' navybase again, do ya? Them guys got guns & stuff and they ain't afraid ta use it.

So, ennyway, see, ya bild the pahr splah, an' ya bild th' currint reggalater in figger 3 at th' end of th' chapter, the one with the special shunt cirkit fer changin' the currint. Thet's whar th' Kickass tahmer goes. Test it ta be sure that th' current starts at about 30 amps and goes down ta 10 or 15 when th' tahmer goes off.

Bild th' other stuff lahk in figger 2. Cart th' whole mess down ta th' shack, and put th' bizniz end inta the Jolt water. Don't leave th' lid off too long, now. Cover it up good, an' duck tape it, specially th' place wher the wahrs come out. Ah got me some motorcycle ground strap, which is read'ly avail'ble an' flat, so it don't queer up the fit o' the lid. Bolt the straps down real secure, an' put vaseline on th' bolts.

Now, set th' Kickass tahmer fer 8 weeks, plug th' pahr splah in, make sure ya got 30 amps, an' take a hike.

'Member, neutrons ain't yer frens. Keep ol' Blue away from th' shack unless ya want two-headed puppies runnin' around eatin' too much, probly worrit yore mom no end, an' if ya gotta go in ther ta check, don't stay long. Ya want ol' Joe's advice, after around 7 weeks, don't go in ther atall.

This hear makes a real 'hot flash', an' in fact,