Re: Tagging , Tracking & Culling the Herd

my inner geek (
Sun, 13 Dec 1998 13:26:28 +0800

Michael Lorrey <> wrote:

> How about an optimistic conspiracy for once? How about that the
> have a vaccine supplier that produces a vaccine which includes a
> which increases people's intelligence.....

Well, if we look at the animal kingdom as a living, intelligent being, then culling the human species would actually seem to be an intelligent "optimistic" conspiracy.

>From the perspective of an elephant in Africa, the world would be a
much better place without all the ivory hunters. Better to get them inoculated with sterilizing/radioactive isotope tags/genetically engineered germs that spread over the cerebral cortex like two-way ipng slime/smallpox vaccine.

>From the perspective of grey whales and dolphins, it would be an
optimistic conspiracy theory to think of a Microsoft Excel spreadsheet linked up to a bunch of stealth blimp mounted high energy lasers, running down rows, watching all the whale hunters turned into puddles of boiling grease (not unlike Farmer John's bacon, in your local Denny's).

Which brings me to optimistic conspiracies from the perspective of slaughterhouse pigs, sheep, beef, and chickens. They might prefer something less than instananeous: no oatmeal flakes, coffee grounds, puddles of blubber, piles of ashes, or puffs or steamy red mist.

They'd probably prefer to set the hack pattern plane vectors on something like finger joints, wrist joints, elbows, shoulders, with .5 second delays between each. Then toes, ankles, knees, with .1 seconds between each.

Have you ever been to a slaughterhouse? Interesting spectral analysis could be performed on the cries from the soon to be Big Macs and Quarter Pounders w/cheese. Moooo, bahhhhh, gobble gobble, gurgle, burp. Let's go deep sea fishing? See what we can catch with the Senator's head from the bait bucket? Maybe a shark or a sailfish?

Which brings us to the humane society: would you prefer toxic gas, or green sleeping serum. Cute pile of puppies in that there double ply Glad garbage bag: throw in a few kitty kitties for shitz and grins.

Make them smarter, huh Mr. Lorrey? What do you mean by *them*? The animals on earth? When the squirrels and chipmunks stop evolving noise-cancelling filters in their audio cortex systems that specifically match Pratt & Whitney, Rolls-Royce, and General Electric turbofan noise pollution, then the human species might be worth saving. Not to mention the Bambi meets Kenworth on the highway scene.

It's wonderful that we have all this broadband internet how to make lethal weapons in your kitchen material online. It'll be fascinating to see what the machete-weilding tribesmen do with it, between intervillage massacres. And all that CNN footage of burning cars in Jerusalem: both sides turned to sawdust is ok by me. But, maybe that's just because I'm manic-depressive on a moody downward cycle for a day or two. Fuck it. Charge the flywheels and get Libya, Lebanon, Iran, Iraq, Israel, and North Korea out of the way.

P.S. Dear Mossad C4 cellphone battery store, Seattle franchise: sorry about the Israel comment. Be at peace, knowing the United Technologies and TRW are graciously receiving U.S. tax-dollars so you, too, will have your own West Bank T.H.E.L. Microsoft Excel state tables.