Midterm Exams and the properties of Hell (fwd)

BilLee Miller (nox@arches.uga.edu)
Thu, 3 Dec 1998 01:22:53 -0500 (EST)

I got this on one of my other lists and got one Hell of a kick out of it.

Date: Wed, 2 Dec 1998 09:15:18 -0500
From: Suzanne White <swhite@3RDROCK.GLY.UGA.EDU> Reply-To: UU Young Adult Network ListSrv <UU-YAN-L@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU> To: UU-YAN-L@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU
Subject: Midterm Exams and the properties of Hell (fwd)

...so do you think the student was a UU? :)

Date: Wed, 2 Dec 1998 07:23:26 -0500
From: zonker.white@pharma.Novartis.com

Actual question given for mid-term chemistry exam at University of Washington:

"Is Hell exothermic (radiates heat) or endothermic
(absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof."

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law
(gas cools when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some

One student, however, wrote the following:

"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So, we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving.

I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.
Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:-
(1) If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which
souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

(2) Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the
increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Therese Banyan during my Freshman year, 'That it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you', and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then (2) cannot be true, and so Hell is exothermic."

The student got the only A.