Tony Hollick wrote:
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>
> Date: Wed, 17 Dec 1997 18:01:19 -0500
> From: "K. McGillis" <kmcgill@netcom.ca>
> Reply-To: forteana@ftp1.primenet.com
> Apparently-To: anduril@cix.compulink.co.uk
>
> >From Kelly McGillis:
>
> I was at my hometown over the weekend and it was that time of early
> boring afternoon when recreational drugs are frowned upon, so I busied
> myself with quantum physics and the God Particle. I was surrounded with
> my personal version of mathematical formulas when I was asked if I would
> babysit a whole slew of children while the mothers went on a shopping
> expidition. I jumped at the opportunity, realizing that with all the
> practical adults out of the house, I could indulge somewhat.
>
> Soon I realized there were so many children running around the place
> that I didn't know what to do. They were totally out of control. So I
> just shrugged and went back to my quantum physics. I was at the point
> of proving that a wormhole existed in my brain when there was a HUGE
> crash. It occured to me that perhaps the little ones were actually
> destroying my mother's house, so I jumped up and yelled "HEY!" and put
> my arm up like a police officer stopping traffic. They immediately came
> to attention. "Don't you know that people who live in stone houses don't
> throw bricks!"
>
> "Yeah," one of em said, "And don't you know people who live in houses
> with Christmas trees shouldn't throw presents!"
>
> "Well, that would be stupid, breaking a present before you even opened
> it! The fun is breaking them *after* you open them!"
>
> A tiny one was pulling on my leg. "Aunt Kelly?"
>
> "And who are you," I said. "Do you belong to this family? Or did you
> sneak in?"
>
> "I'm...I'm..I'mmm..."
>
> "I knew it! Not only do I have a wormhole in my brain, you are not my
> nieces and nephews! YOU'RE REPLICATING BEHIND MY BACK!"
>
> "I'm...I'mmmm..."
>
> "Good lord child, don't you know how to talk?"
>
> "Tory! I'mmm Tory! And stoooopid is a bad word Aunt Kelly."
>
> I eyed her suspiciously. This one was a replicant for sure. Then they
> all started yelling at me that stooooopid was a bad word.
>
> "Okay, replicants! That's enough! Where are my real nieces and
> nephews? What idiot told you stuooopid was a bad word?"
>
> Their teachers. Their parents. Every adult on the face of earth except
> me, I discovered.
>
> "Well, then, I'll just have to teach you a new word. Say after me:
> REEE-DICKKK-YOU-LUSSS. Use that word instead of stupid, OK?"
>
> "Aunt Kelly?"
>
> "Yes," I said warming up to the topic.
>
> "YOU ARE REEE-DICKKK-YOU-LUSS!"
>
> "Hey! Who do you think you are? A McGillis?"
>
> The parents thankfully arrived back and were appalled at the mess.
> Their kids, not my prob, right?
>
> One of my ridiculous sisters-in-law had the nerve to ask me when I was
> going to have children. "NEVER!" I replied. "It's my mission in life
> to be an aunt! And its a mission I think I excel at!"
>
> "Yeah, and she's even got worms in her brain!"
>
> "That, you little replicant, is a worm hole!"
>
> Kelly McGillis
> ==============