Delmar England (
Thu, 09 Oct 1997 21:53:13 -0400

I believe it was William Shakespeare who said: "To one who feels, life is a
tragedy. To one who thinks, life is a comedy.

A fellow came to my door the other day and told me he was from
the IRS and that I owed money. I asked him how much I owed him
and how I came to owe him. He says, "Oh, you don't owe me. You
owe the government." I say, O.K., send in this fellow, govenment,
and maybe he can explain how much I owe and why." He says
govenment is not a man." I say, O.K. send the woman in and she
can tell me." He says, "Government isn't a woman either." I told
him that I don't see how I came to owe a child, but I would
listen if the child wants to explain." He says, "Government isn't
a child either."

Trying to clear up the puzzle, I asked, "If government ain't a
man, ain't a woman, ain't a child, who's left to owe?" He then
says that I owe the people. Turns out "people" ain't a person
either, so I ask what it is. He says, "People is everybody." I
ask, "Does it include me." "Yep", he says. Then I say, "You're
saying that I owe myself, but haven't paid myself. Do you reckon
I ought to have myself arrested for treating myself so unfairly?"

I could see this IRS fellow (IRS - Idiot Representing Self)
wasn't digging the scene at all. He got all agitated and came
full circle and screamed that I still owed the government. I
asked, "Can I take the category, people, for five hundred?" Since
he didn't see any difference in owing the government and owing
the people, he said, "O.K." - Then I sprung it on him. I told him
that last week I got on my ten speed Schwin with a can of WD-40
and a good tail wind and went to see every last person in the
whole USA. I told him that I asked each and every one if I owed
him\her money. Every last one of them said, "No."

"Now IRS man", I says, "How is it that 100% of the individuals
say I don't owe, and you take this 100% NO, call these
individuals, "People" and the 100% NO gets flipped over to "Yes?"
I gotta ask, IRS man, do you do card tricks too?"

Ain't but one thing worse than a man that ain't got no sense. Its
a man who ain't got no sense and ain't got no sense of humor
either. Hey warden, "Can I have another crayon so I can finish
this letter?"

Delmar England