Spike wrote:
I tried to inject a bit of humor into the tense silence: "Oh dear. As a result of my great blammisphy, I fear that I shall not be experiencing sexual relations this evening."
My roommate busted out laughing at this comment, which
caused his girl to get up and stalk off. Neither of us got laid that night. My date never spoke to me again.
(end)
Spike, I thought these were devout Christian girls you and your friend were dating? And yet you speak of the possibility of sexual access? Come to think of it, my bestfriend graduated from a Bible college in Georgia and came home with some very surprising stories...
I heard most of those jokes from teachers in the youth program of my church. lol I found them fairly funny and not blasphemous, er.... I mean blammisphies!
best wishes,
John
P.S. Now, God's people have the best "iron chariots" in the neighborhood! Current Egyptian iron chariots would not last long in those mountains, anymore! lol
Maybe God let the Egyptian charioteers stay to keep the ancient Hebrews on their toes. When things got too good for God's people they tended to start worshipping idols and throwing wild orgies!!
On Sun, 23 Dec 2001 10:36:57
Spike Jones wrote:
>"J. R. Molloy" wrote:
>
>> From: "Spike Jones" <spike66@attglobal.net>
>> > From this historical precedent, I ask permission to commit
>> > blasphemy, and be forgiven, before I even make up the
>> > particular impiety.
>>
>> Permission granted.
>
>Thank you J.R. I am particularly careful with giving offense,
>due to an unfortunate incident that dates back to my days as
>a theology student. You see, those believers who are ignorant
>of the bible (the vaaaast majority) tend to have the notion that
>the scriptures are free of contradictions and quirks. Theology
>students, who study the document every day, know that it is
>fillllled with bugs.
>
>I was on a first date just such a young lady. She was a fine young
>lass, kind and good, and filled to overflowing with the afore-
>mentioned biblical ignorance and subsequent sense of its
>sacredness. We went to a religious service with my roommate
>and his fiancee. Afterwards the four of us were sitting around
>in the lobby of the women's dormitory talking. When two or
>more theology students get together, eventually someone will
>say something that leads to the comment "You know, they had
>{x} in the bible" Second student "Oh? How so?" A number of
>corny jokes will ensue, such as:
>
>Did you know they had cars in the bible?
>
>Oh? How so?
>
>The book of Acts says "The disciples were together in one
>accord."
>
>Harrraarrarrarar. Did you know they had motorcycles
>in the bible?
>
>Oh? How so?
>
>The book of Kings says "David's triumph was heard throughout
>the land."
>
>Harrraarrarrarar. Did you know they had tennis in the bible?
>
>Oh? How so?
>
>The book of Exodus says "Moses played in pharoah's courts."
>
>Harrraarrarrarar. Did you know they had cigarettes in
>the bible?
>
>Oh? How so?
>
>The book of Genesis says "Rachel lighted on a camel."
>
>Harrraarrarrarar. My roommate, who was sitting across from
>me and my date noticed she was getting squirmy at the impieties.
>He subtly tried to get me to cut the crap, but I failed to grok. He
>said "You know, for a body of literature the length of the bible, it
>is remarkable that it is totally free of overt humor."
>
>"Contraire," I replied, not recognizing the discomfort of my date.
>"One of the funniest comments I have read is in Judges 1:19." I
>opened my bible and quoted, verbatim:
>
>"The Lord was with Judah; and He drave out the inabitants of
>the mountain; but could not drive out the inhabitants of the
>valley, because they had chariots of iron."
>
>My girl looked me and said coldly, "I fail to see the humor."
>
>I replied, "Look at what he is saying. We had God on
>our side, but they had IRON CHARIOTS! A bunch of
>tough thugs in iron chariots got together and kicked
>GODs butt!"
>
>She stood up and tried to rebuke me for my blasphemies,
>but got a little tongue tied. She exclaimed "You speak
>great BLAMMISPHIES!"
>
>"Blammisphies?" I laughed. She turned on her heel and
>stalked off.
>
>I tried to inject a bit of humor into the tense silence: "Oh dear.
>As a result of my great blammisphy, I fear that I shall not be
>experiencing sexual relations this evening."
>
>My roommate busted out laughing at this comment, which
>caused his girl to get up and stalk off. Neither of us got
>laid that night. My date never spoke to me again.
>
>{8^D spike
>
>
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