Re: buns vs brains

Natasha Vita-More (
Mon, 19 Jul 1999 20:10:27 -0700

At 11:07 AM 7/19/99 -0400, you wrote:
>Is it just me, or does Mr. Brains eventually see how pointless
>relationships are, and lose interest? A few months ago I've realized that
>every relationship I've ever been in has basically required that I
>surrender some of my individuality and autonomy. Even with women who call
>themselves 'objectivists' 'libertarians' 'feminists' 'career-minded' or
>'tom-boys'. I always have very free-form friendships, where each
>individual has all the space they want, but it doesn't work the same way
>with romance.

Yes Alex! I feel the same way, but about men!

Every relationship that I have ever had, I felt that I had to surrender an aspect of myself, reluctantly. Yet, I have never lost my autonomy for long because it is far too disorienting. Alas, most friendships also require loosing an aspect of oneself - if only for a fleeting moment - while investing in the relationship.

It is a difficult balance - giving to another person and developing the ability to empathize while also maintaining one's autonomy. Yet, for me it is worth it. As in any of life's challenges, the ability to be *intimate* and *individual* takes thought.