Re: How to keep'em off Your Couch!

From: Natasha Vita-More (
Date: Wed Aug 01 2001 - 08:56:51 MDT

Hahahaha! Hahahha. Michael you are very funny! John, thanks for sharing!

The thing is, for me anyway, this piece is so darn visual.


At 09:19 PM 7/31/01 -0900, you wrote:
>I got a kick out of reading what Natasha shared. It was like a simplistic
version of my old missionary training manual. Now, that was a very thick
volume which contained the wisdom and experience of the church missionary
>Mike Lorrey shared:
>>Good one, Natasha. I've developed countermeasures to >these over time.
>As a returned missionary for the LDS church, I am very familiar with all
such tactics! ;) You are a kind man compared to some folks who actually
threatened me with fisticuffs or even guns.
>>a) having a VERY friendly and noisy dog helps keep >them outside. I just
open the door wide enough to >stick my head out. The yapping dog keeps them
from >wanting to venture further.
>Big, barking dogs work very well. Although, I had one missionary
companion who could somehow charm dogs(and he was big too) and the owners
would look so disappointedly at their pets as we made it to the door! lol
>>b) I say, 'Hey, brothers, have you guys been biking >all over town in
those shirts and ties ALL DAY? You >must be REALLY HOT and TIRED," all
while not making >any effort to offer refreshments (it's okay if I sip m
>>own soda).
>Such emotional cruelty! lol I remember tracting in southern Louisiana at
the start of my mission and at times thinking I might pass out from the
humid heat. I nearly quit the whole affair due to the climate but the body
adapts over time.
>I remember women who would open the door and give us cold pop to drink.
They would make it plain they were not interested, but wanted to show us
some kindness. To this day I am grateful to them.
>>c) I ask them what they are here for. If they are >mormons, I mention
the fact that Joseph Smith was >once laid up over across the river in South
Royalton >with a broken leg once, he broke it on one of his >many drunken
sprees, carousing around the town. I >mention that some families still keep
account of the >bills old Joe skipped out on when he left town and >ask if
the Church ever paid those up...
>Have you heard how Joseph Smith as a teenager refused whisky to soften the
pain when he needed surgery to remove a bone infection? Instead of
drinking, he had his father hold him down.
>>Since they are usually some kind of christians, I >usually ask them to
resolve some theological >paradoxes for me. I think next time I'll ask them
>about the topological properties of hell and whether >angels dancing on
pins can be considered quantum >objects...
>I need to remember that the next time the Jehovah's Witness's come to my
>>d) When they ask me about my own faith, I say I don't >need any faith,
"cause I KNOW-uh, the TRUTH-uh!" and >go off on Theilhard des Chardins and
Omega Point >Theory and bring in the technologies of the >singularity... by
this point in time, if they haven't >already, they've figured out I'm
either completely >nuts, posessed of the devil, or had too much "LDS in
>the 60's"....
>I could just imagine a "rip in time" where you meet a young Elder Brent
Allsop! Twilight zone music please...

>Having too much "LDS" can be quite the experience! I have found it very
habit-forming. It can definitely work well in getting a quality mate.
>Bring 'em Young!,
>Get 250 color business cards for FREE!
"The best defense is a cultural offense!"
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"We are transhumans ..." Meme Orbits Saturn in 2004!

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