RE: Owning as cultural baggage (was: Is Eugenics Really A Bad Thing?)

From: altamira (
Date: Thu Jul 06 2000 - 18:58:23 MDT

> -----Original Message-----
> From:
> []On Behalf Of Dana Hedberg
> Your use of the word 'inflict' is curious. Care to elaborate? =) Sorry,
> it's that psychotherapy thread that's bleeding over into my keyboarding.

My dictionary defines the word like this: to cause (something...painful) to
be endured; impose.

My experiences with men have almost all ended with my leaving (maybe ALL of
them have ended that way; I can't think of any right off the top of my head
where a man has voluntarily left me). Even in relationships which initially
began with the understanding that they would be flexible and open ended
(which was more the pattern in the 60's and 70's when I was young than it
seems to be now)they would end up with the man wanting more than I could
give--predictability, stability, permanence, going everywhere with him,
taking him everywhere with me--those sorts of things.

I used to say that if the men knew up front that I needed lots of solitude
and independence and ended up getting too attached it was their problem, not
mine. I'd been honest up front about the sort of person I was, and they
should have taken more care not to become dependent on my always being
around. But after several instances of the same thing happening, I had to
face it that there's something about me (or the men I get involved with, or
both) that leads to their becoming "madly in luv" and "needy and desperate."
It's as though I'm cursed, an unwilling Siren. My mother tells me it's just
that I've "never met the right man." I have my doubts about this.

And so, since by now I can pretty well predict what's going to happen, I
would be knowingly causing something painful to any man I became involved
with; therefore, inflicting myself, as in inflicting a punishment.

The monkish life I lead is for the most part pleasant. I don't buy into the
myth that a person must be married or otherwise tied to another human in
order to be happy. I DO miss trading back rubs, though.


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