HUMOR: Apropos borgs

Anders Sandberg (
Mon, 2 Jun 1997 15:29:12 +0200 (MET DST)

The Tragic Story of Romeo and Juliet by William Vibrnuke

Romeo and Juliet was written after comedy The Taming of the Goo;
while the comedies of Vibrnuke were most popular in his day, the
modern public admires his great dramas HamNet, Router of Denmark, The
Agent of Venice and of course Romeo and Juliet. The plot follows in
condensed form:

The play takes place a long time ago in the Dyson sphere Renaissance
Vector. The sphere is torn by internal conflict between the
borganisms belonging to the MNTG series and the exconomist
transindividuals of Caput Letis Inc.

During a masquerade in virtual reality Romeo of MNTG, a young
borganism, meets Juliet, vice CEO of CapuLet, and falls in love.
Secretly entering her file areas after the masquerade he discovers an
emotion analysis showing him that his feelings are answered; he sends
a dividual to her orbital where a classic dialogue ensues between
Juliet standing in the docking bay at the axis and the Romeo-dividual
below in the hydroponic garden. They decide to marry. Together they
seek out a wise old Jupiter brain, who secretly marries them to each

But the struggle between the MNTG and CapLet continues, and Cobalt, a
relative of Juliet forcibly individualises a dear friend of Romeo
with a computer virus. Overcome with rage Romeo assimilates Cobalt
and nivellizes his mind. The CapLet group convinces the Ring Council
PPL to banish Romeo to the outer sectors, since there was no proof of
Cobalt's deed and their contract with the MNTG series doesn't cover
involuntary borganization. Before moving his habitats outwards a
dividual of him visits Juliet, and they briefly merge.

The CapLet group seeks a strategic alliance with the ParaIce group,
and the market consensus suggests that Juliet should marry their CEO
to consolidate. Unable to openly go against the market (revealing
her liaison with a borganism would put confidence their security
procedures into question) and in love with Romeo she seeks out the
Jupiter brain. It suggests a clever plan: using a nanodevice he will
distribute her mind into inert net-packets, making it look like she
died. He will send a signal to Romeo, who will send back a few
dividuals to escort her to the outer sectors as she is re-assembled
and awakens.

The plan is set into motion. Juliet appears to die in mental
dissolution, and her inert body is biosuspended in the corporate
vault. But the message from the Jupiter brain never reaches Romeo in
time due to an unfavourable conjunction of their orbits; instead
Romeo hears the news of Juliet's death first and blocks out the
message from the Jupiter brain. Overcome with anguish he sends his
dividuals to Renaissance Vector, where they attack the CEO of the
ParaIce group and enter the corporate vault. Finding Juliet dead
breaks Romeo's hearts, and he disintegrates into individuals. Juliet
reassembles and awakes, finds Romeo dissolved and erases herself. The
MNTG series and CapLet Inc. reconsider their policies.

Anders Sandberg Towards Ascension!
GCS/M/S/O d++ -p+ c++++ !l u+ e++ m++ s+/+ n--- h+/* f+ g+ w++ t+ r+ !y