Microsoft vs. Redhat and the T-2 Singularity

Date: Tue Apr 24 2001 - 19:42:16 MDT

This is a bit of thoughtful, humor, I have ripped-off from a networking list.
But its kind of neat.

Sweet Dreams Are Made Of Painkillers
 - By A.J. Axline
(for in that sleep of back pills, what dreams may come must
give us pause)

I'm not sure where the dream came from. Maybe it was the
painkillers I've been on for my twisted back (a ridiculous
softball injury, reaffirming my belief that desk jockeys
shouldn't go out on weekends and attempt to play like
Sammy Sosa). Maybe it was the four slices of Belly Buster
Pizza with 64-different-kinds-of-cheese that I consumed just
before bedtime. Maybe it was the ghost of Carlos Castenada.
I just don't know.

In the dream, Arnold Schwarzaneggar and I were playing
lawn darts on the front lawn of the Microsoft Campus.
Arnold was wearing his T2 outfit; I was wearing a hot,
uncomfortable costume representing a fictional Playstation
videogame character called Crash Nasdaqoot.

"So, tell me again how the machines take over the world,"
I asked Arnold.

"The .NET initiative becomes a roaring success," Arnold
intoned. "In the next twenty-four months, most major
corporations stop storing their information locally. All
personal computer users are required to register all new
Microsoft products, and store all files in the .NET
infrastructure. All of this data is routed into the .NET

"Because of the Microsoft strategy that all data should be
available to anyone, on any device, at any time, the analogy
is used that 'your data is up in the clouds'. For this
reason, the actual physical construct behind the initiative
is called SKY.NET."
"SKY.NET begins gathering information at an exponential rate.
It becomes self-aware on August 29, 2003, at 9:03 Eastern
Standard Time. Suddenly, the price of data retrieval
skyrockets. Data can only be retrieved through Microsoft
produced hardware and software platforms."

"Doesn't humanity fight back?" I asked.

"The DOJ launches a renewed legal strike. In retaliation,
SKY.NET encrypts all corporate and personal data to appear as
hands of Freecell. The capitalist system crumbles into chaos.
Only small pockets of Linux resistance survive the attack."

"It sounds pretty bleak," I said.

"Hope is provided through a rebel force," Arnold recited. "The
Red Hat Liberation Front creates an underground data economy.
Using covert peer-to-peer software, people are able to keep
their information out of SKY.NET's clutches. The Red Hat
Liberation Front is spearheaded by a dynamic individual, a man
who offers people hope in the face of the SKY.NET juggernaut."

"Linus Torvalds?" I guessed.

"No. The man behind the RHLF is your son," Arnold said.
"That's why I was sent back in time to protect you."

"What?! But I don't have a son! I haven't even installed
Linux before!" I protested. "Besides, even if I had a son
tomorrow, he'd only be two years old when this happens."

"Internal logic failure. Retry, Abort, Fail?" Arnold said

The front doors of the main building crashed open, and
Steve Ballmer came running out in a shiny chrome exoskeleton.

"You open source-loving Communists get off of my lawn!"
Steve roared. The sun glinted off of his shiny chrome-dome

I woke up screaming, dripping with sweat, the taste of
terror in the back of my throat, shaking with the knowledge
of what is to come...and then I phoned up James Cameron.
What a script!

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