SEATTLE MAYOR DECLARES STATE OF EMERGENCY
"We will not stand for this 'earthquake' nonsense," says Schell
February 28, 2001
Mayor Paul Schell announced today that the city would take a
zero-tolerance stance against earthquakes after one of the mysterious
natural disasters struck Seattle.
"I have declared a 'no-earthquake zone' in a fifty-block radius," Schell
said. "I have told the police department to use their pepper spray and
rubber bullets against any earthquake that dares to show its face in
Seattle."
"Seattle has a history of tolerance for weather," Schell continued with
a note of pride in his voice. "We have rain, we have storms, we even
tolerate lightning. But we will not sit back and allow these hooligan
earthquakes to destroy our city."
Several police units could be seen patrolling the quake-shaken areas in
downtown Seattle this evening.
"If I see one of them quakes ... well, no mercy, you know? No mercy,"
one police officer stated bluntly. His badge number was covered by black
tape and his nametag had been removed. Many Seattle police officers
expressed interest in catching the leader of the earthquake movement.
The earthquakes in Seattle have provoked a nationwide dialogue about the
best ways to effectively resist such acts of terror.
"These earthquakes -- or 'quakes,' as they are called -- are very
secretive organizations," Dr. Henry Blagger said at a press conference.
"They originate deep underground and they strike without any warning
whatsoever."
"I think they all oughta be arrested and thrown in jail forever," said
Gerald Hainer, 43, a layman who knows nothing about tectonic plate
movement. "I'm tired of earthquakes and all of these other radical
natural phenomena coming in here and just doing as they please. I have a
job, you know."
There has been no word from the earthquakes for their motives in
striking Seattle.
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