The new Golden Rule

david gobel (
Sat, 16 Jan 1999 17:30:38 -0800

>From: "Sean Parker" <>
>Subject: RE: The "New Golden Rule"

>"I will not do to you, Mr. Pacifist, what you do not want me, Mr.
Masochist, to do to you, because I would not do to you, what I >would not want you to do to me."

I agree with the above, but it turns a positive and proactive statement into a negative one...the following is what I actually use as a social template.

"Do unto others they way they want, if not harmful to them or others."

(self is in the set of "others")

This statement requires that I work hard to know myself to a significant degree and in real time, and make myself care enough to have an active knowledge of the other person and their wishes.

This has helped me immensely in being clear on how to treat my wife of 25 years. When I treated her the way **I'd** want to be treated, it rarely seemed to work. She wanted to be treated the way SHE wanted to be treated. Too, I focus on
her...not how I feel or what I'd want. And, the bonus is - I'm getting what I want much more often. and I feel better about it at the same time. Works for me...

dave gobel
-just what can I mean?-