Child rearing

Mark D. Fulwiler (
Fri, 02 Jan 1998 13:50:57 -0700

Daniel Ust (Twink) <> wrote:

> I hate to admit it, but I agree with Hara Ra.:) Being in child abuse situations
> myself, it is my recollection that physical abuse only taught the child that
> whoever is stronger makes the rules: the grand lesson of dictators!

I think we disagree on what constitutes child abuse. I do not consider a
few whacks on the butt after a kid has just about killed a cat (an
action that I believe would be considered a crime in all states) to be
abuse. Now if this father hits his kid 5 times a day for any old reason,
well, then I might agree with you.

I also believe that parents should have broad discretion regarding how
they raise their kids, not because they are stronger , but because they
are paying the bills! If that includes an occasional whack on the butt,
I'm not going to interfere.

> Also, when I was hit, I never thought I was wrong, I just thought I needed
> to get even.

Well, were you wrong? If so, I guess being hit was not effective. When I
got belted, it was always for a good reason and it impressed on me (pun
intended) the fact that if I misbehaved there would be unpleasant

> In the example that Mark D. Fulwiler used, of a kid kicking a cat into
> unconsciousness, we should ask Why did the kid think this would
> "work" as a solution to not getting his way? I think it is because the
> kid was spoiled already. I've noticed that parents who abuse tend
> also to spoil. They go through cycles of heavy abuse and spoiling
> permissiveness, often because they feel guilty about the abuse.
> The child then grows up with unreal expectations -- he or she does
> not know if any encounter will be injurious or indulgent.

Well, maybe. However, there are excellent parents who sometimes have
problem children despite their best efforts. I would be interested in
why the kid kicked the cat, but wouldn't you agree that the kid should
get some punishment (and a severe one at that) for this really vile act?
Shouldn't actions have consequences? If not, I'm afraid this awful
little kid may be in Juvenile Hall at age 14 for murder.

> I believe a few books have been written on these phenomena.
> Daniel Ust

If you can cite one, I'd appreciate it.

Mark Fulwiler