Child abuse as child rearing?

Twink (
Thu, 1 Jan 1998 10:59:57 -0500 (EST)

At 07:14 PM 12/31/97 -0800, Hara Ra <> wrote:
>"My father hit me, so this is good child rearing" - Exactly the cycle we
>must break. I have NEVER had to use any kind of violence to "get the
>point across" with my son. How about learning some SKILLS instead of
>continuing the violence you have been TRAINED to perpetrate?

I hate to admit it, but I agree with Hara Ra.:) Being in child abuse situations
myself, it is my recollection that physical abuse only taught the child that
whoever is stronger makes the rules: the grand lesson of dictators!

Also, when I was hit, I never thought I was wrong, I just thought I needed
to get even.

In the example that Mark D. Fulwiler used, of a kid kicking a cat into
unconsciousness, we should ask Why did the kid think this would
"work" as a solution to not getting his way? I think it is because the
kid was spoiled already. I've noticed that parents who abuse tend
also to spoil. They go through cycles of heavy abuse and spoiling
permissiveness, often because they feel guilty about the abuse.
The child then grows up with unreal expectations -- he or she does
not know if any encounter will be injurious or indulgent.

I believe a few books have been written on these phenomena.

Daniel Ust