on trying to make a love connection....

From: john grigg (starman125@hotmail.com)
Date: Sat Feb 12 2000 - 15:25:38 MST

QueeneMUSE@aol.com wrote:
Is that really making it more interesting, or just more of a hunt. I
hear that men enjoy the hunt more than the act, but this takes the cake!!

I think many men do get a major endorphin rush when they realize their
efforts to gain sexual access to a woman are going to be successful. This
can take place at various stages. You must remember, we guys generally do
not hold the cards sexually (the female does) and so must do all we can to
encourage the female, realizing we very well may fail in our attempts. It
is a risky proposition and so sometimes very exciting.

I read an anecdote in a book on human sexual experience about a man who was
a "bored casanova" and was excited to pursue a woman and get her to agree to
go home with him but after that the interest would leave him because he
actually felt burned-out about doing the sex act. He was a "catch and
release" sort of guy.

Robert Bradbury Wrote:
PS Well, personally speaking, I'm pretty sure I enjoy the act(s) more than
the hunt. The hunt seems pretty much like a waste of time. Much better
would be an encapsulated exchange of information that determine whether or
not mutually acceptable criteria and interests are satisfied.

The hunt is not a waste of time in the sense of developing social skills to
be more successful, not just in the hunt but life in general. Think about
how many men (and women too) put massive effort into being prepared for the
hunt (of a long-term mate, especially) by working hard in school, developing
skills and talents(music, for instance), getting a good education and
working hard in their career so they can be financially successful. They
are building up their "social currency" so they can get the best short and
long-term partners they can! The human race is better off for us having
this drive.

While we have sophisticated dating services now that try to match-up
compatible partners, there are some intangibles out there of chemistry that
one should not overlook. I have seen people "hooked up" by friends or
dating services where everyone thought it would work out well but it did

A book on human sexuality I highly recommend to everyone who wants to learn
about what really drives them is, "The Erotic Mind" by Jack Morin. His
"paradoxical perspective" shows how passion is generated by a mixture of
attraction plus obstacles to overcome. Negative emotions can even be
powerful aphrodisiacs.

When I read this book it really blew me away. I saw myself and the girl I
was dating at the time in a totally new light. Anyone really interested in
why people get sucked into relationships needs to read this, no matter how
much you know this will greatly add to it.

Queenemuse wrote:
As a monogamous female, not prone to bragging "I got laid last night", the
idea of going on 10,000 dates with 10,000 lawers, engineers, architects,
doctors, bodybuilders or whatever, and listening to 10,000 evenings of
conversation about them, with their sole intent being finding one right sex
partner - my hair stands on end.

By being female, monogamous and beautiful you don't need to brag because you
hold a strong hand of cards. I have been on dates where the other person
talked and talked about their one right life partner who was somewhere out
there... to the point my hair stood on end!

Robert Bradbury wrote:
I think your comment proves my point. Now we accept this process as part of
being "human". Since it is "moderately" successful for some subset of the
population it survives as a common human activity. If on the other hand the
costs were *much* higher to achieve the "goal", we would expend the energy
required to make it much more efficient.

Well, in some cultures (even now but especially anciently) they had parents
and marriage brokers decide who you would marry. Allowing the child to
decide was tempting disaster in their view! lol And there are those couples
in arranged marriages today that swear by it.

As knowledge of human psychology improves I can see dating services becoming
more successful at bringing people together. I read a delightful story a
few years ago (I can't recall the author or title, sorry, I will make a
search) about neuroscientists in the mid 21st century who find incredibly
accurate ways of measuring compatibility.

A young researcher early on in the project finds a wife through it. But as
the years go by and the techniques are refined he realizes his wife is only
a 88% match and there is a woman in the database who is in the upper
nineties for him! He is tortured as to what he should do. It is a great
short story and I will try to track it down.

Robert Bradbury Wrote:
Social and biological scientists would presumably expend much more energy
exploring compatibility criteria and we would presumably get a refined
process rather than the hit-or-miss situation we seem to currently have.
The once-in-a-blue moon physical compatibility issue would make it much
simpler, our embedded watch-agents would inform us that only on February 28,
2117 would our physical equipment be in sync sufficiently to allow mating.
In the meantime, we could relax and simply get to know each other and find
out what we might have to offer (other than sex) that would be of mutual

But so much happens based on environment and the unique stressers there to
bring people together. Intangibles that seem to just fall into place at
times. Maybe with quantum computing, dating services can really be
effective! lol

best regards,

John Grigg

I've shown this to so many gals but when I tell them the plane is not mine
they lose interest! :( lol
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