RE: Tree of Life

From: Joseph Sterlynne (
Date: Thu Feb 10 2000 - 09:32:16 MST

> Anders Sandberg

>Let's make a fruit salad from the trees of knowledge and life! I guess
>it would be delicious with a little bit of whipped cream.

I'm sure, if you like fruit salad. Just the other day I was walking by
the Tree of Life. I leaped past the rotating flaming sword (you know,
it's just like in Dragon's Lair---you just wait until the right moment,
listen carefully for the grunts, then tap the joystick just right. . . .)
and got some of the fruit. The apples make a particularly nice chutney.
But God showed up and was a little bothered.

 God: Hey! What do you think you're doing?

  Me: Uh, freely partaking of the Tree of Life. Why?

 God: How did you get past the flaming sword? They told me that thing was
      guaranteed! I mean, there are flames on it!

  Me: It says how to somewhere in an old issue of [Electronic Games], I

 God: Well, I don't care. The patent laws in the Garden are pretty
      strict. Do you think that this is the Free Fruit Foundation or
      something? My one-pick shopping method means that you can only take
      one piece of fruit. Then you're out.

  Me: What about a pointed stick?

 God: Shut up!

  Me: Look, I've got better things to do than argue with imaginary beings
      about magic fruit. When I get nanotech I'll be able to make all the
      fruit I want from snow and paper towels. But I won't even bother
      because I'll be busy doing things like carking myself into the black
      hole at the center of the galaxy and figuring out how to get myself
      off of Banana Republic's catalog mailing list. So get rid of that
      silly sword and those pretentious white robes and do something
      useful. Zyvex could use a synthetic organic chemist. Think you
      might be interested?

 God: Uh, y--yeah, actually. I--I'll apply right away.

  Me: Good. You'll need new bibles; they can found through links at

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