HUMOR?: An Open Letter to the Manufacturers of Ziploc Brand Sandwich Bags

From: Technotranscendence (
Date: Mon Jan 31 2000 - 20:38:21 MST


From: Deleted
To: Deleted
Sent: Deleted
Subject: Deleted An Open Letter to the Manufacturers of Ziploc Brand Sandwich Bags

Dear Sirs,
Thanks to your superior craftsmanship, I am today a free man. Along with a friend, I recently completed a 4000 mile cross-country road trip to see America. Needless to say, we brought along the necessary provisions, including a fully-stocked cooler, plenty of water and a supply of recreational pharmeceuticals. Now, I don't want to give you the wrong idea. We are not drug traffickers, nor did we at any time drive under the influence. We simply had in our possession a small quantity of marijuana for our own personal use.
To make a long story short, we made it through most of this beautiful country untouched. However, as we neared the east coast, we were pulled over for going 8 miles per hour over the speed limit. The officer was extremely friendly, but after hearing about our one-way trip, he told me that the road we were on a major drug-trafficking route, so would I mind if he searched the car? As a concerned citizen, worried about the erosion of the rights enshrined in the first ten amendments of our Constitution, I of course replied that yes, I would mind. The officer took this in stride, and said that that was fine, but that he was going to have his dope dog sniff around the car, and if she lunged for anything, "we'll have to talk about this in a different way".
My heart leapt, as we did in fact have the aforementioned small quantity of marijuana in the back seat. It was safely packed well away from prying eyes, but would it be safe from the ravenous nose of a real live United States Dope Dog? I need not have worried, for the marijuana was safely packaged in one of your Ziploc Brand Sandwich Bags. Thanks to your Colorloc system, we were able to be sure that the bag was in fact sealed. As advertised by your commercials, no odors escaped, and so the dope dog failed to find anything suspicious and we are free today.
Thank you for your consistently high level of quality and workmanship. I realize that making plastic bags is mostly a thankless job, but I want to make sure that you realize that your work does not go unappreciated. Thank you again, and keep up the good work!

A Grateful and Free Traveler
P.S.: Please feel free to use our experience in one of your commercials.

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