From: Natasha Vita-More (natasha@natasha.cc)
Date: Sat Aug 16 2003 - 11:26:52 MDT
At 04:02 AM 8/16/03 -0600, Alex wrote:
>It's not particularly good memetics to use the L-word (life extension) in
>front of faculty members. Let alone make fun of Christianity... especially in
>Texas of all places. They don't believe me.
Move to Austin! It's not part of Texas :-) Seriously though, let's not
finger Texas. When I lived in California, it was very inappropriate and
often dangerous to make fun of Spirituality. It all depends on what moral
vehicle people are using, not the specific piece of earth.
>Anybody have suggestions on how I could communicate the need for nuance,
>diplomacy, and picking one's battles to these well-meaning but slightly naive
>youngsters? Some example, some object lesson that would resonate with people
>who overestimate the degree to which the 'normal' world gets the big picture?
Sure: Here are 2 of my favorite quotes I think about when people try to
push their beliefs on me:
“I like to do all the talking myself. It saves time, and prevents
arguments.” Oscar Wilde
“. . . an equally great [talker] knows when to stop.”
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
From my book on a topic of how to deal with difficult people or those who
simply shut down when you want to discuss living longer:
The best way to understand the person who you are talking to is to take the
time to listen to that person. Who is the person I am talking to? What
are his or her needs, interests and concerns? People will let you know,
one way or another, within a few minutes who they are.
The next step is to do a little math on the cost to benefit. Discern if
the time and energy expended will be a productive and successful
exchange. (9 out of 10 it is.) If the numbers line up and it looks like a
profitable expenditure, choose a strategy of communication.
Which strategy? Are you in this to win friends and influence, or rave about
your own views while alienating the other person and ending up in a pissing
match? This is where critical thinking comes in.
Since the goal is to do the best job with the least amount of stress,
you’ve probably chosen educate and are ready to employ the hardy
handy-tools of monitoring information, feedback, error correction,
accurate replay, and collision avoidance. These tools are for preventative
emotions and, if nothing else, will help to keep emotions calm.
With the foundation established, the softer tools are employed, a common
ground of interest. People tend to be more receptive to new ideas if they
know that we share something in common. At this point, the refining tools
such as historical parallels give that extra quality of expertise. People
seem to be more receptive to challenging ideas if given examples of
historical events that relate to the discussion.
Practicing patience is a tool that I keep protected in fine chamois. No
matter how successful a person is in one domain, he may lag behind in
another. People develop at different rates—an early-bird or eleventh-hour.
People have different psychological barometers for accepting change and
challenge. Sometimes we need to repeat ourselves over and over for the
concept to set in.
Ignite curiosity. “Every question we answer leads on to another question.
This has become the greatest survival trick of our species,” writes Desmond
Morris. “I think, at a child’s birth, if a mother could ... endow ... the
most useful gift, that gift would be curiosity,” mused Eleanor Roosevelt.
Just when I think my communications are flowing smoothly, I sometimes hit a
snag. I revert to humor because its the best way I know how to rescue the
conversation and give it a little polish. .
Natasha
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