Fwd: Re: Paper>YOUR NUKES WILL BE DESTROYED!

From: Michael M. Butler (mmb@spies.com)
Date: Mon May 12 2003 - 18:03:47 MDT

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    Forwarded from a friend, and relevant to arms (and *funding*) races in
    general, a wonderful short-short story I'd never read before...

    > THE INGENIOUS PATRIOT
    > by Ambrose Bierce
    >
    >       HAVING obtained an audience of the King an Ingenious Patriot pulled
    > a
    > paper from his pocket, saying:
    >
    >       "May it please your Majesty, I have here a formula for constructing
    > armour-plating which no gun can pierce. If these plates are adopted in
    > the
    > Royal Navy our warships will be invulnerable, and therefore invincible.
    > Here, also, are reports of your Majesty's Ministers, attesting the value
    > of
    > the invention. I will part with my right in it for a million tumtums."
    >
    >       After examining the papers, the King put them away and promised him
    > an
    > order on the Lord High Treasurer of the Extortion Department for a
    > million
    > tumtums.
    >
    >       "And here," said the Ingenious Patriot, pulling another paper from
    > another pocket, "are the working plans of a gun that I have invented,
    > which
    > will pierce that armour. Your Majesty's Royal Brother, the Emperor of
    > Bang,
    > is anxious to purchase it, but loyalty to your Majesty's throne and
    > person
    > constrains me to offer it first to your Majesty. The price is one million
    > tumtums."
    >
    >       Having received the promise of another check, he thrust his hand
    > into
    > still another pocket, remarking:
    >
    >       "The price of the irresistible gun would have been much greater,
    > your
    > Majesty, but for the fact that its missiles can be so effectively averted
    > by
    > my peculiar method of treating the armour plates with a new-"
    >
    >       The King signed to the Great Head Factotum to approach.
    >
    >       "Search this man," he said, "and report how many pockets he has."
    >
    >       "Forty-three, Sire," said the Great Head Factotum, completing the
    > scrutiny.
    >
    >       "May it please your Majesty," cried the Ingenious Patriot, in
    > terror,
    > "one of them contains tobacco."
    >
    >       "Hold him up by the ankles and shake him," said the King; "then
    > give
    > him a check for forty-two million tumtums and put him to death. Let a
    > decree
    > issue declaring ingenuity a capital offence."

    -- 
    I am not here to have an argument. I am here as part of a civilization. 
    Sometimes I forget.
    


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