From: Rafal Smigrodzki (rafal@smigrodzki.org)
Date: Mon Mar 24 2003 - 12:46:43 MST
Aug. 27, 2065, from CNNJazeera - The Northern Mutual Assistance League
announced today the buyout of the last independent security provider in
North America, the MetLife Neckbreakers. This is the last step in the
consolidation of the security industry in this area. Currently,
according to the policy spelled out by the original members of NorMAL,
Stateless Farm, and PKO-SA, only security providers with at least 50
Megaton in nuclear arsenal and at least 100 of the Abrams/Hitachi M-12
teleportable main battle tanks (or equivalent) and a tie-in war
protection clause for all customers, are eligible for participation in
the League. NorMAL cites the threat from the Somali Empire, whose ruler,
supported by the UnFAI, expressed a desire to extend his holdings north
of the Panama Canal, as explanation for the steep membership price.
Dissident groups, such as the GreenRed Coalition, the Church of America,
and the 9th International, decry the development as an imperialist plot
to deprive poor citizens of the access to cheap protection without war
clauses.
Local FAI's welcomed the announcement, saying "Finally we'll be able to
work on the Tegmark Conjecture full-time".
The average price of a war protection clause is now 1.3 ounces of
chrysadamantium/month, down from 1.7 yesterday. Average income is 115
oC/month.
Dow/Jones/Nikkei is 235 000, up 1500 from yesterday.
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Via transtemporal listening device.
Rafal
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