re:immortality contract

brian keavey (bk_2112@hotmail.com)
Tue, 20 Jul 1999 12:47:17 PDT

This is a multi-part message in MIME format.

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Hey Nanogirl,

Hmmmm....you want me to be your loyal, devoted servant for all eternity, catering to your every whim, ministering to your every fetish, undoubtedly committing numurous acts repulsive to any decent sensibility?

WAY Cool!!! (I always like to keep a respectful distance from "decent sensibilities" anyway- several megaparsecs is about right:-) I just have a few minor questions:

  1. When you promise to make me "immortal" are you referring to: mere removal of aging/disease; basic uploading; uploading with copies;uploading with self-updating&replicating copies; assigning me my own nested hiearchy of basement universes for archival storage/processing; or what?
  2. Do you require the avalability of my undivided person at all times, or could my seperately instantiated subpersonas be on duty in shifts? If the latter, how many would you want, on average, at any given time?: a. 1-1000; b.1001-23000; c.23001-10**12; d. 10**12-10**10**100; e. >10**10**100
  3. Are my couterparts in parellel universes also bound by this agreement? What about my analogs in other times?
  4. If some of my instantiated subpersonas depart the solar system at a velocity that precludes realtime interaction, is this automatically considered a breach? or can the satisfy the contract by taking emulations of you along?
  5. Is any part of this contract foreseeably likely to involve substantial self-mutilation, self-modification, self-transcendance, or recursive self-contradiction?
  6. According to the contract, it is enforcable in a "court of law". Does this refer to common, napoleonic, admiralty, statute, canon, maritime, space, equity, contract, natural, polycentric, international or scientific "law"? And, whatever type is chosen, what procedure is there to prevent mentally constipated geezers(of any age or gender) whose chief claim to distinction is being able to continually & phonetically fart through their windpipes, from passing themselves off as "judges"?
  7. Does the "any specified time" rule apply to alternate timelines?
  8. Is failure to invent time travel and thus observe the terms of the contract before signing considered a breach?
  9. In the event of time dilation, suspended animation, paratime abduction, or other such eventuality, how is the differential in timeline between the parties to be resolved?
  10. Is indefinite, infinite, transinfinite or omegan duration being promised?
  11. If the party of the second part divides for any reason into differential subpersonas, xoxes, parellel competing Exes or other such multiple entities, how are competing claims for the services/attentions of the party of the first part to be resolved?
  12. Do you possess adequate, verifiable Temporal Liability Insurance to cover the possibility of your being in any manner and from any cause unable to perform as stipulated?
  13. There have been many unverified, anecdotal reports of a metaphorical being making similar offers, only to default in some imaginative manner once the contract was irrevocably signed. This being, known as the devil(aka satan, "prince of darkness", baal, beelzebub, antichrist, & William Gates, Sr.) appears to operate an enterprise using the tradename "Hell", which has been variously alleged to be a closely held corporation, a holding company(pending conversion to a going concern at some future date known only as the "end times" & allegedly the most jealously guarded trade secret of the devil's chief metaphorical competitor), or a nine-level MLM (alleged by an obvious nut case who claims to have recieved a personal guided tour of all three of the largest direct competitors in this industry). Are you in any way connected with this enterprise? & are you willing, in view of the bleak record of contract compliance in this field generally, to post a reasonable performance bond to insure compliance? I estimate something in the range of 15-20GSEs(galactic superclauster equivalents), posted with any reputable arbiter, should do it(however,the amount is negotiable within reason)

Well, that does it for now. Looking foreward to doing business w/ you for quite a while to come:-)

-
Brian Keavey
<bk_2112@hotmail.com>
<http://members.tripod.com/~bk_2112/>
Earn $$ Surfing the Web! Free to start!
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Hey Nanogirl,

    Hmmmm....you want me to be your loyal, devoted servant for all eternity, catering to your every whim, ministering to your every fetish, undoubtedly committing numurous acts repulsive to any decent sensibility?
    WAY Cool!!! (I always like to keep a respectful distance from  "decent sensibilities" anyway- several megaparsecs is about right:-)
I just have a few minor questions:

1.   When you promise to make me "immortal" are you referring to:
mere removal of aging/disease; basic uploading; uploading with copies;uploading with self-updating&replicating copies; assigning me
my own nested hiearchy of basement universes for archival storage/processing; or what?

2.    Do you require the avalability of my undivided person at all times, or could my seperately instantiated subpersonas be on duty in shifts?  If the latter, how many would you want, on average, at any given time?: a. 1-1000; b.1001-23000; c.23001-10**12;                  d. 10**12-10**10**100; e. >10**10**100

3.   Are my couterparts in parellel universes also bound by this agreement?  What about my analogs in other times?

4.    If some of my instantiated subpersonas depart the solar system at a velocity that precludes realtime interaction, is this automatically considered a breach? or can the satisfy the contract by taking emulations of you along?

5.  Is any part of this contract foreseeably likely to involve substantial self-mutilation, self-modification, self-transcendance, or recursive self-contradiction?

6.  According to the contract, it is enforcable in a "court of law".
Does this refer to common, napoleonic, admiralty, statute, canon, maritime, space, equity, contract, natural, polycentric, international or scientific "law"?  And, whatever type is chosen, what procedure is there to prevent mentally constipated geezers(of any age or gender)
whose chief claim to distinction is being able to continually & phonetically fart through their windpipes, from passing themselves off as "judges"?

7.   Does the "any specified time" rule apply to alternate timelines?

8.   Is failure to invent time travel and thus observe the terms of the contract before signing considered a breach?

9. In the event of time dilation, suspended animation, paratime abduction, or other such eventuality, how is the differential in timeline between the parties to be resolved?

10. Is indefinite, infinite, transinfinite or omegan duration being promised?

11. If the party of the second part divides for any reason into differential subpersonas, xoxes, parellel competing Exes or other such
multiple entities, how are competing claims for the services/attentions of the party of the first part to be resolved?

12. Do you possess adequate, verifiable Temporal Liability Insurance to cover the possibility of your being in any manner and from any cause unable to perform as stipulated?

13.  There have been many unverified, anecdotal reports of a metaphorical being making similar offers, only to default in some imaginative manner once
the contract was irrevocably signed.  This being, known as the devil(aka satan, "prince of darkness", baal, beelzebub, antichrist, & William Gates, Sr.) appears to operate an enterprise using the tradename "Hell", which has been variously alleged to be a closely held corporation, a holding company(pending conversion to a going concern at some future date known only as the "end times" & allegedly the most jealously guarded trade secret of the devil's chief metaphorical competitor), or a nine-level MLM (alleged by an obvious nut case who claims to have recieved a personal guided tour of all three of the largest direct competitors in this industry). Are you in any way connected with this enterprise? & are you willing, in view of the bleak record of contract compliance in this field generally, to post a reasonable performance bond to insure compliance? I estimate
something in the range of 15-20GSEs(galactic superclauster equivalents), posted with any reputable arbiter, should do it(however,the amount is negotiable within reason)

Well, that does it for now.  Looking foreward to doing business w/ you
for quite a while to come:-)

-
Brian Keavey
<bk_2112@hotmail.com>
<http://members.tripod.com/~bk_2112/>
Earn $$ Surfing the Web! Free to start!
<http://www.alladvantage.com/go.asp?refid=apw-775>


Get Free Email and Do More On The Web. Visit www.msn.com
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