OK, here's a less silly answer:
> Besides, I have to stay around because I need someone to explain to me why
> extreme space-time curvature within the event horizon of a black hole
> should lead to the tearing apart of a body of matter, when, within the
> reference frame of that body, space-time is not distorted, since it cannot
> be considered in relation to any other version of otherwise distorted
> space-time.
It's not the extreme curvature that gets you, it's the rate of change of
curvature near "small" black holes or other condensed matter. This
results
in tidal forces, which are the perceived differences in the gravity pull
on
your feet versus the gravity pull on your head. Near a "small" condensed
mass
your feet and your head are not in the same inertial reference frame.
"Small"
is roughly stellar mass.
OTH, if the mass is "large", (say, a glactic mass) then you can have a
black
hole with an event horizon that at a distance where the gravitational
gradient
is modest. In this case, you can cross the event horizon without being
instantly
ripped apart. Of course, you can't get back out.
If the mass is a great deal larger and you are inside the event horizon,
then
you are said to be living in a universe with a positive curvature.