Re: A first time hello from Alaska!

Jocelyn Brown (
Fri, 9 Apr 1999 10:16:51 -0500

>I am only thirty-one, but do not feel I have gotten my "money's worth"
>out of my youth due to physical and psychosocial problems that I have.
> I am not goodlooking (not ugly either, and I am tall, 6'1 but only
>145 lbs.!), and grew up poor so woman largely ignore me compared to
>the physically attractive and $$$ endowed males. I want my
>chance, and by the time I have a degree, decent job and money for
>cosmetic surgery my youth will be gone.

Here is what I have to say, and I could address and quote you point by point, but I think it would be better if I just gave you a general reply. My name is Jocelyn Brown, and although I've been lurking for a couple of months I just recently starting posting. The reason is that most of this list involves technical discussion, which is fine and well and needs to be done, but it's not my area of interest; I am much more interested in issues of psychology, community, and human relations.

What struck me about your post was the pain, depression and lack of self-esteem that seems to run through it. You seem to feel you have wasted your life until now. I want to tell you that that doesn't matter. I am 28 and have just made major changes in my life's outlook and goals based on my acceptance of extropian ideals. Until then I too suffered from "clinical depression" and was on and off various medications for the past 10 years. I felt that I couldn't affect or do anything; I had problems learning and focusing.

Speaking from my personal experience only, I am of the opinion that a lot of depression is not as insurmountable as some therapists and psychiatrists think it is. You are the only person who can change how your mind works and how you perceive yourself and the world around you. There is no such thing as willpower; it's just a matter of what you want the most. I highly recommend a book to you called "The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem" by Nathanial Brandon. I have found it very helpful.

I think that you need to let go of the past and any anger you feel about what you have been cheated out of; doing so will only prevent you from getting what you want now.

I don't mean to for this to sound simple or easy, beause it isn't. I've been working through this for three years, and while I have made significant progress, there is always more to be made. I'll stop here, because I'm not sure this discussion is really relevant to the extropian list and I don't want to be flamed for being off-topic ;-), but if you would like to continue it in private email you have my address. I'll admit that I much better at discussions like this in person, because I believe nothing replaces the personal rapport gained through proximity and eye-contact, but I can't physically hug you from Texas so this will have to be the next best thing. You aren't alone, John. I am here.

Jocelyn Brown

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