In a message dated 5/2/2000 9:30:11 PM Pacific Daylight Time, lee@piclab.com
writes:
> It is a myth that it is always possible to be completely
> honest, clear, and courteous. Most of the time it is, but
> when it's not, courtesy should be the first to go.
OK lee, I understand. You're trying out your own new system. I happened in
your path, nothing personal. Personally, I thinkthe is grace and beauty in
what you said
- the art of courtesy - I adore those who can ride that line you speak of!!
To be confrontative AND courteous is hard. And yes, it's a discipline; takes
intelligence and planning.
You are using slurs like stupid because that's how you really "feel" about an
idea...
On list - honesty isn't about always saying how we *feel* - it's knowing how
we feel and not letting that get in our way. Feelings about an idea is good,
but irrelevant. Unimportant. In fact if I tell you how I *feel* about people
having *feelings* about an idea...
: - )
I agree that courtesy is not always appropriate (though I find it more
effective).
Rudeness loses it's power if overused.
If one always uses courtesy until pushed beyond a barrier, it will have
impact.
If you are always rude, and calling people slurs -- no one will pay attention
when you do.
I do not treat people I respect poorly even when angry at them.
If I simply disagree, I am not angry.
I can say:
Have you researched this enough to make such a bold statement?
Or: I do not believe that! It's simply not true.
Or: Perhaps your sentiments have gotten in the way of your thinking.
Or: Can you be more clear? That makes no sense.
Once I heard Max More say to someone at dinner "You're not overly fond of
critical thinking, are you?"
; - )
Addendum:
If I really don't give a damn about someone because they have shown no
sympathy or compassion for me, it is OK to say "I don't give a damn about
you." But I must be ready to let go of them and never see them again.
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