Re: PSYCHOLOGY: Politeness in Communication

Lee Daniel Crocker (
Fri, 17 Jan 1997 19:54:29 -0800 (PST)

> I'm still unsure why Mr. Crocker believes these memes are dangerous or evil.
> I see them as fairly useful pieces of advice when applied appropriately and
> when one's goal is to develop many strong and beneficial relationships with
> other people. I suppose that if one interpreted those statements to mean that
> one should sacrafice one's own freedom to please other people, that would be
> harmful, but if one realizes that being considerate of other people's desires
> and prefrences will generally help one achieve one's goals more effectively
> than antagonizing others will, then the statements are good advice.
> - David Musick

If I have to spend time thinking about everything I say in terms of how
the other person might react--based on my limited knowledge of him or
her--before I speak, and if I react with annoyance at what is said to me,
in what way is that relationship healthy, strong, or beneficial? Because
the sex is good? Because we don't kill each other? Couldn't I have a
relationship with those attributes, and that also served the goal of
expanding our minds with unrestrained expression and criticism? Must I
condemn myself to a life of restraint among fragile waifs, or might I
empower everyone at the small price of ruffling a few feathers?