I think that those insistent on fixing a 'problem' that they perceive to exist by
passing some laws that confiscate peoples liberties,
really ought to just think about things, like this:
> Bread, and why it should be banned
>
> The Hazards of Baked Bread...
>
> A recent Cincinnati Enquirer headline read, "SMELL OF BAKED BREAD MAY BE
> HEALTH HAZARD." The article went on to describe the dangers of the smell
> of baking bread. The main danger, apparently, is that the organic components
> of this aroma may break down ozone (I'm not making this stuff up).
>
> I was horrified. When are we going to do something about bread-induced
> global warming? Sure, we attack tobacco companies, but when is the
> government going to go after Big Bread?
>
> Well, I've done a little research, and what I've discovered should make
> anyone think twice ....
>
> 1: More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread eaters.
>
> 2: Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households
> score below average on standardized tests.
>
> 3: In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the
> average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were
> unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as
> typhoid, yellow fever and influenza ravaged whole nations.
>
> 4: More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of
> eating bread.
>
> 5: Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that
> as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The
> average American eats more bread than that in one month!
>
> 6: Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low occurrence
> of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease and osteoporosis.
>
> 7: Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and
> given only water to eat, actually begged for bread after only two days.
>
> 8: Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to harder items
> such as butter, jelly, peanut butter and even cold cuts.
>
> 9: Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more
> than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body
> being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey
> bread-pudding person.
>
> 10: Newborn babies can choke on bread.
>
> 11: Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That
> kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
>
> 12: Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between
> significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.
>
>
> In light of these frightening statistics, we propose the following bread
> restrictions:
>
> 1: No sale of bread to minors.
>
> 2: No advertising of bread within 1000 feet of a school.
>
> 3: A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills
> we might associate with bread.
>
> 4: No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to
> children) may be used to promote bread usage.
>
> 5: A $4.2 zillion fine on the three biggest bread manufacturers. Please
> send this e-mail on to everyone you know who cares about this crucial issue.
>
> Remember: Think globally, act idiotically.
>
Mike Lorrey
This archive was generated by hypermail 2b29 : Thu Jul 27 2000 - 14:05:34 MDT