In a message dated 1/21/2000 9:27:39 AM Pacific Standard Time,
lcrocker@mercury.colossus.net(none) writes:
<< Since I believe that the universe and everything in
it exists for no reason but to serve my selfish interests, I
consider it dishonest not to speak and act according to that
belief. >>
Are you a sociopath?
<< I don't believe that's
the case--evangelical religions are quite successful, for example.
Why shouldn't my pulpit pounding be just as successful? >>
No, because you are asking people to think for themselves. This is a
paradox. You can't force someone to think for themselves. It's an oxymoron to
preach on it.
<< Politeness may be effective in some contexts,
but it is clearly impotent in others. Diversity works well in
achieving success for living things, why not in communications
as well?
>>
You raise very interesting points.
First of all, you are quite correct, phony politeness and a "need to be
liked" are far more repugnant (to me) than sincere arrogance. And far more
dangerous and dishonest.
Sincere empathy is a different matter. To walk in the moccasins.. so to
speak...
Second:
One can be sure of ones self - and contradict - without unintentionally
insulting others. Without placing one's self above. Certainly ther are times
when yelling or insulting *is* the correct solution to a problem. Probably
not when you are tlaking about religion and other well-adapted protective
programming.
I use the metaphor of - you have a pal who is involved with a woman who you
KNOW is lying to him (religion). You KNOW she is not good for him, and that
if he continues this way he will fall into ruin eventually. But he is still
smitten with her.
How do you approach this?
If you attack her, you attack him. He loves her, she feels good, he has grown
attached and he has meshed with her.
How will you reach him, and allow him to see it for himself? By bashing her?
He'll punch you and walk away... By exposing her? He will blame his heartache
on you forever.. or fall into denial and shun you.
So... what you must do is not judge ( at least not out laoud) and stay in
touch, listen and respond - point things out that he may not see * in the
kindest possible, sympathetic way* and when he finally comes around (if he
does), never say "I told you so".
We are talking about personal communiation skills.
One my beefs is that *feeling* superior doesn't make you so. And people do
not respond well to hearing that they are infoerior, unless they are
masochistic, in which case they aren't there for rational discourse anyway.
Emotions, are good tools. They give us clues to what we are actually
experiencing.
Experience is different from thought or talk.
Possible key factors are: the way one was raised, the
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